A Ring

So tonight's story happened a long time ago. Today however my sisters and I were in the kitchen and my Mom had just recently changed purses. She had found a ring in her purse and didn't know whose it was. I looked at it and immediately recognized it. I'm about to tell you the story of this ring- as I remember it (with possibly a few embellishments). Like I said, it happened a LONG time ago. The story starts more than 20 years ago. In preschool for me. There was a boy who lived up the street from me- his name was Todd. He was in love with me and two of my cousins- Brittany and Amanda. We often played kissing tag- or our own rendition of it. Todd was ALWAYS it and he would pick ONE culprit each time and the other two were allowed to guard. It seemed like he chased after Brittany a lot but he did rotate and maybe my memory's a little hazy. Anyways, we had lots of fun- and Todd lived just up the street. I have many fond (and faint, now) memories of those days.

I remember the day I found out he was moving to Georgia- FAR FAR AWAY! And it was right before Kindergarten and I was utterly depressed. I would now have NO friends. My Mom tried to comfort me, she knew a mom with a daughter my age who would also be going to school with me, but it didn't work. Todd was leaving me and I was doomed. I don't remember most other details but I DO remember the last day he was there. We went to say our goodbyes- they had everything packed up and I remember going back inside- the completely empty house, with Todd. I don't remember verbatim, but our conversation went something like this.

Me: "Do you really have to move?"
Todd: "Yes my Dad got a job there. But I want to give you something."
M: "What?"
T: "My Mom says when a guy likes a girl he gives her a ring to show he likes her. My Mom helped me find this ring and it's for you."

I don't know if they bought it, for awhile I thought he had found it in a cracker jack box- but it's really much too nice of a ring for that... so, not sure. I'm ALSO pretty sure that he wasn't really proposing or anything like that- but I still claim it as my puppy love story, and I still have the ring. Pictures to follow. :) Todd and I are still friends- we are even friends on lovely facebook now, and he is HAPPILY married to a gorgeous girl! I haven't seen him in a few years but we have seen each other since. So that's my story for tonight, and when I get a picture of the ring on my computer I will add it to this post. :) Goodnight y'all!

New Year's Resolution

So with the New Year coming I've only given a little thought to goals I want to accomplish. I have some that are already underway and not necessarily 2010 goals but I always like to make goals for each year. I'm unsure as to how many I'll have and how many I'll make public but I will share one of the ones that I am committed to. I was reading a good friend's blog and they mentioned reading the Old Testament as a goal. This year in Sunday School we will be studying the Old Testament and I feel that is a worthy goal to accomplish. I'll confess, the Old Testament is one of my favorite books of scripture. I feel almost sacrilegious saying that. I mean I love the Book of Mormon and it's very simple and easy to understand for the most part and we believe it to be true and more correct than any other book (partly due to the fact that there hasn't been much loss due to excessive translations). I also love reading about Church History and therefore like the Doctrine and Covenants and the commandments directed towards us. And then there's the Pearl of Great Price which has so much contained in such a marvelously small book. And I feel like I can't discredit the New Testament- it's about the Savior's ministry and the work of the Apostles after him and I love the book of Revelations and trying to study out signs of the Second Coming. But even with all of that I still have a special place for the Old Testament.

I've only read it through twice before and the first time was mainly to say I did it. But the second time reading it I found SO MUCH interesting stuff in it. I remember sharing with my companions things that I was reading from it every day and I had one companion tell me (after I had related what I had read from it that morning)- "You ALMOST make me want to read the Old Testament". There's a lot of good stories, a lot of symbolism, a lot of wisdom, a lot of messed up stories, and a lot of ways we can relate. I kinda relate it to the classics. I like Twilight and Harry Potter and the exciting page-turners of our day- but there's something about the classics that holds true throughout all time. (Random note though: I'm not always fond of the classic books or movies- it depends on which one and why it became a classic. I've read some amazing ones and some that I thought were awful) I love reading about the tribes of Israel though, their trials, the miracles, forgiveness and long-proven patterns that the Lord follows.

I don't know what I will focus on when I go through the Old Testament this time through- I haven't yet decided, but I want to make a dilligent study of the Old Testament this year. A wise man I once met (who joined my church) had been studying the Bible. Due to various causes there are a few discrepancies in the Bible, whether it's due to translation or another cause is up to you to decide, but he pointed out that in the New Testament it teaches the law of witnesses- in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. As missionaries of my church we teach that principle often to introduce the Book of Mormon as a second witness to the Bible, not to replace the Bible but to affirm it. But this wise man had a theory that every important principle that needed to be known is witnessed of at least twice in the Bible- I think I'm going to look for witnesses of principles I believe to be true as I read through the Old Testament this time through. I want to prove him right if possible, but it seems to make sense to me. That if there's a discrepancy there's only one account of the false information and (if it's an important principle) there are two to disprove it (surviving any translations or any other attempts to destroy the validity of the Bible).

I guess in closing I will share a little more about my last experience reading through the Old Testament. I read through it for various reasons- one of which was to understand it better and know it better. But I also started reading through the whole Bible searching for every woman mentioned. There were a lot more mentioned than I originally thought- some righteous examples and some wicked examples. I'm not trying to be feminist but I realized something about the influence women hold. If the woman was righteous, so were the people that she influenced. If she was wicked then so were those she influenced. That to me, means a lot. I sometimes feel special and privileged to know that I make a difference to those around me. I'm not saying guys can't be righteous in the midst of wicked women- I've seen many stand strong amidst circumstances like those, but I also have seen the influence work. The world with a lot of the media would portray that we only have a physical influence to tempt and seduce, but I know that is not our only influence. To show an example, read the story of Esther carefully. In my personal, blunt opinion, Esther was up against a whole bunch of sluts. Other women and girls that according to the world today would win the heart of the king. But Esther went in, just her- and she won the heart of the King and was able to use that influence to save her people. I've seen this more subtle influence work in today's world as well. Our job as righteous women is to be virtuous (different from being chaste, though I feel it's related) and to use our influence for good.

Proverbs 31:10, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

Christmas Envelopes

Side note first: So my Dad tonight told me I'm not allowed to teach the rest of my sisters Tahitian dancing. I asked why and he said because they're not Polynesian. And my response was, "But I'm Polynesian!" To which my Dad said, "I know..." So with that I will proceed to an account of this year's Christmas tradition. We have started caroling as a family around Christmastime. This time we only did two houses- a lady by the name of Debi whose husband just died before this school year started. We were all close to him and her and she's practically family. We also went and stopped by my Aunt Geri's house or Great-Aunt technically. Then following that we proceeded to do our Christmas envelopes. This was my family's third year doing them and my second. (I was on my mission the first year they started it.) A brief reminder to new readers or those who may have forgotten. We make a Christmas letter and combine it with some money and put it in an envelope. We then go to a Walmart or similar store and stalk people to find people who seem like they would appreciate it and hand it to them and run. We post others to watch and get their reaction, but the givers don't see the reaction. :)

Choice #1: My sisters Carly and Katie picked out a couple that they had been following. To make it seem less creepy they had been picking out clothes and playing peek-a-boo with a small girl they made friends with. Well the couple they'd been following bolted and then Carly noticed that the family to which their new-found peek-a-boo friend belonged to had very little in their cart and was consistently shopping only the sale racks. So she went to give them the envelope, saying "Feliz Navidad." And ran away. My Mom and sister Cassie watched as she opened the envelope and exclaimed, "Holy Crap!" And then looked up and saw my Mom and a few other people around. They then became very humble and quiet about it, but my Mom could tell they were very grateful for the gift.

Choice #2: This one was my own and my sister Julie's. We had been following her all around the store but kept losing her. So we had found several other families that were possibilities as well and then she would pop back up. She went down many aisles and had to put many things back. It was a Mom with 2 little girls- one that could walk, and one that maybe could walk, but was in the cart. Anyways, we finally caught up to her at the front of the store when she was in line to check out and my Dad came to witness it. He picked up something and joined the line. So then Julie and I walked up and told her Merry Christmas while handing her the envelope. We then walked down an aisle and proceeded to the back of the store where we ran into Carly and Katie who had just finished giving their letter. We sent them to the front of the store where they watched with my Dad. According to my Dad, after handing her the envelope she kinda looked after us, kinda like what in the world just happened? But didn't open the envelope. Her older daughter picked up the envelope and during the whole line kept asking her mom- "What's this? Can I open it?" The Mom politely ignored her for the most part. She DIDN'T open the envelope. She probably held onto it for a good 15 minutes. They went to the McDonalds at the front of the store and still didn't open it. My sisters got some money from my Dad and went to stand in line a ways behind them. After ordering she FINALLY opened the envelope. She looked inside and got all teary eyed and then called over a man- my sisters think it was her husband though we never saw her with anyone the whole time she was in the store. And then proceeded to call over other people. She even waved at my sisters, yelling "Chicas!" And trying to show them the envelope. She didn't wave around the money, but acted like she had just won the lottery.

Choice #3: This one was my Mom's and my sister Cassie's. They did theirs first actually. I heard the story after the fact. They had been following a Dad with two boys. The wife had I guess gone to do other shopping in another part of the store, but they met up near the cash register. My Mom and sister felt good about giving them an envelope and gave it to them when they were up near the McDonalds. When they opened it up the husband and wife looked at it and one of them said, "Shut up!" And then they supposedly went outside. I had mentioned that our lady repeatedly disappeared and then we would refind her. Well she once disappeared in the toy aisles and while I was searching down the aisles for her I happened to notice a couple hugging each other and the lady was crying, I thought it was odd so I'll admit, I was kinda staring at them, when I noticed the envelope my Mom and sister had had. I knew what had happened but then I realized the wife was looking at me as if she recognized me. So we quickly ran away. They apparently had come back in to let their boys pick out a few more toys for Christmas.

I know it isn't anything great. There are lots of people who need money, and food, and clothes, but we're starting in our own areas. We like seeing the reactions. It may not be the greatest or the only way to give this time of year, but it is quickly becoming one of our family's favorite traditions! I've been thinking a lot about this recently. I once read an Anita Stansfield book where the couple sets up a home to help kids. It's not exactly an orphanage- but it gave me my first ideas. I want to help as many kids as I can. I don't want to take on too many that I can't make them all feel loved and cared for- I need to be able to handle the load I take- but I want to make a difference. There's a Mom I work for and I absolutely LOVE it! She had 6 of her own kids and has now adopted 9 others. She didn't need help until she added the last one- but she felt she had to. She started adopting because she felt like every child deserved to grow up in a home with the Gospel. I feel the same way and feel very privileged to be able to help with those kids. It's a start to what I want to do one day. I don't need to be rich, though it would be nice, but I want to make a difference, and I want to be a difference in children's lives. There are too many needs out there to give to every single cause when you have limited resources, but I'm doing my best to start now, and not let my dreams of helping as I'd like to die out.

Carols and such

So a few things to cover that I think all goes together, but maybe not for you. First off, we went to "The Forgotten Carols" last night and I've seen it before and LOVE the songs- or at least some of them. In it Michael McLean, or John, reminds "Connie Lou" that everyone has their very own "Carol". I LOVE LOVE LOVE to sing, but have never been successful at writing any songs. I claim my poetry sucks but the truth is, it only sometimes does, but it never seems to be good, like song quality. But I was inspired from last night's show to give it a try one more time. (A few side notes: I'm going to try and use some connections I have already to try and work on a singing career... send in some demos I already have- make a few more... who knows? Maybe something will come of it. I'm going to take some acting classes, if they're available- though I'll likely have to drive to Salt Lake for them and record some more! :) I love recording!) So I got home and started brainstorming for my carol... Result- well I got the brainstorming done to make a poem- but not a carol.

One of my strongest experiences where I felt closest to the Savior was during a heart-break. I had actually been warned of a heartache, but thought I knew what kind and thought I could prepare for it. But I don't think anything could have possibly prepared me for the heartache I endured. It happened after a relationship- one of the more common causes for heartbreak. I felt like I couldn't turn to my parents for sympathy because I knew they were happy it was over. There were a lot of things I hadn't shared with others and so there really was only ONE person I could turn to. I never had a favorite hymn before that time and now it is "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" I LOVE the melody- slightly sad, but not depressing- still uplifting. I can add my own vocal stylings to it when I sing. And I love the words:

Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace
when other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end.

And now the poem I came up with, with this song as my inspiration. I have not proofread it, so any friendly comments or critiques to improve it would be appreciated. My goal is to keep writing poetry that eventually I can turn into songs (and to also get better at composing on the piano as well...).

Only He

Through stormy trials
And serious heartache
He it is who knows my soul
He alone can heal

In the darkest hour
My heart has ever known
One alone, knew the answer
The peace my heart could not fathom

Through tears of grief
And zombie-like phases
Going through motions
Because my heart was not whole

“It takes time to fix a broken heart”
They said, but time seemed to elude me
Time was not the answer
It was He who fixed me up

In His eyes, I’m perfect
I’m worth more than gold
It is not my fault, this heartache came
So He has made me whole

Now the future lies, unsure
But with Him by my side
I know it will be beyond compare
To my previous love affairs

With His blood so freely spilt
He paid the price of my broken heart
He has fixed it once, and He will again
And keep me safe in His arms

For in His arms I need not fear
Of ever being left alone
I need no man to dry my tears
For my Savior will always be there

I need no man… but still I long to find
A man who has learned like I
To call the Savior friend
And lean on Him through all time

Katie

This post is dedicated to my sister. I feel we have a special bond- most of the time anyways. This consists of several smaller stories so it might be on the longer side.

She was born when I was 11. My mom let me see her birth. I'll admit, it was interesting- long morning in the hospital- finally giving in to going to the cafeteria for some breakfast. Came back and found my Dad at the door saying, "You're just in time for the epidural!" With a smile on his face. I replied, "What's an epidural?" He just smiled back, and had it not been so early, MAYBE I would have caught on to his subtle sarcasm in his voice, "OH, you're going to LOVE this..." So I, who hates shots, watched the epidural. The whole birth process I thought was interesting, but the shot.... I told my Mom I was adopting after watching the epidural. They've tried to convince me that the epidural is what saves you from pain, but it's the whole idea that you NEED something that big and drastic to save you from pain- that thought is not very appealing to me. But thus started my connection with my sister Katie.

My Mom has been a great Mom to all of us. A great example of charity, and giving and putting others first and sacrifice, among other things. My Aunt Lisa was diagnosed with leukemia and my Mom dedicated a lot of her time to helping find platelet donors for her. She spent hours a day on the phone trying to find people and arrange appointments and schedule things. A lot of the family chipped in to help, one of my new responsibilities, which I enjoyed, was watching my sister Katie who was 1 1/2. I became her "mom". I would play with her, watch her, watch movies with her, put her to sleep. My Mom always had lullabies for us kids, and since I sang to her, I got to choose hers. Katie's lullaby is "Tender Shepherd"- a song I learned at Girls' Camp. I remember one time my brother realized how burned out I was, and tried to help. It was Katie's nap time, and so I told Danny that I put Katie to sleep by taking her on a walk around the neighborhood and singing to her. I know this may sound rather mundane, but I spent the time to go to the bathroom and do basic things. My brother came back- possibly an hour later, VERY distraught. He came in and was like, "I've walked around the neighborhood THREE times, and she still won't go to sleep, she keeps on looking back and I swear she won't go to sleep because I'M pushing her..." I was grateful to my brother for the chance I'd had to take a break, so I went outside to take Katie on a walk. I started walking, and we hadn't gone more than 3 houses before she was fast asleep- sure enough though- she checked to make sure I was pushing her before she fell asleep. :)

Katie's and my movie was Anastasia- it was Katie's favorite. And I'll admit, I love it too. Katie would watch it several times a day if it was up to only her. We still watch it from time to time, though it's been awhile since our last time.

I would always take her out when she was crabby in Sacrament, or if she needed a drink of water. I remember one time, one of Katie's friends in Nursery once asked her mom, "Where's Katie's mom?" And so the lady pointed to our mom, and the little girl looked at her mom and said, "That's not Katie's mom..." Then when I walked in, she pointed to me and said, matter-of-factly, "THAT'S Katie's mom..." Katie and I were inseparable.

When I turned 16, we had another sister by then and I had a new car. It was the newest commodity, and the back seat could fold down and go straight to the trunk. Katie and Julie both thought that was the greatest thing! So, we had many adventures in my car when they were both little. There was one time we went for a drive- just around the neighborhood. Katie got thirsty, and Julie refused to let us go home to get Katie a drink. So I remember going through the McDonalds drive thru- JUST for a water. I had no money and we didn't order anything else. I mean, technically I don't feel too bad- we buy enough from them and that's the only time we've gone through without buying something, but it still felt odd, but it DID appease them both. I learned how to do a trick called, "rock the cradle" in the car. You basically move the steering wheel back and forth really quick and it will "rock" the car. That was one of their favorites, but I told them specifically NOT to tell Mom or we wouldn't be able to do it anymore. Well, they did really well for awhile and then one day, forgot and cried, "MOM! Do rock the cradle!!!" My Mom asks, "What's rock the cradle?" And so they responded, "Jamie does it ALL the time...." So my Mom looked at me in the rear view mirror with a threatening look and I had to tell her. She was mad, briefly, but now she does rock the cradle too.

One of my favorite car stories, is more about my power of brainwashing Katie. She believed everything I told her. We were on another car ride and the light turned yellow, so I sped up so I could make it and she scolds me, "Jamie, YELLOW means, SLOW DOWN." And I responded, "No, it means, slow down so Jamie can get through." I didn't think she believed me until one day we were in my Mom's car and the light turned yellow- my Mom sped up and Katie goes, "Mom, YELLOW means SLOW DOWN." And my Mom said, "It's ok, you just have to be careful." And Katie goes, "No, it means you have to slow down Mom, so Jamie can get through." My Mom almost laughed and reassured my sister, "It's alright, Jamie's with us, and she had to get through..." I don't know how we corrected that one in the end, but she now knows right...

I will admit, I spoiled Katie ROTTEN. My Mom had a lot to do with raising her, but I had more of a part in her life than my other sisters, I feel, so I feel a special connection with her. And that one summer when my Aunt was sick I did raise her. My Mom had to do a lot of fixing afterwards so she wasn't too rotten. She has turned out alright so far though. She has self-esteem like no other- convinced every guy loves her- and she is really pretty. I love her, (and my other sisters) but this blog post is dedicated to my sister Katie- I LOVE YOU!!!

Methane Blue

Back to my more lighthearted stories... :)

This story happened a few years ago and was inspired by a story before that. My Mom, growing up, told me a story of how she played a prank on some boys- don't know how she knew them, all I know is she pranked them. It was for April Fools- so they had to be careful. They made brownies and put methane blue in them and then covered them with chocolate frosting. Since the boys were suspicious, as planned, the girls had made a separate batch of brownies and strategically placed a few of those on top. So they each took one of the safe ones which then enticed the guys that the brownies were alright. Hence the inspiration for my own experience.

It was freshmen year of college. My sister had come up to visit for the end of March and we had been teasing our friend Brandon that he didn't like us. You see, he claimed we were his friends, but he had never baked anything for us, always other girls, that he claimed he wasn't interested in. So then he said he would do it for someone's birthday- but we had told him when our birthdays were, and they had already passed. So when my sister came up, we told him her birthday was March 30th. And she left the morning of the 30th. We gave him such a hard time about him owing us a cake and how he would have to make it Monday so she could enjoy some before heading to the airport around 8 or 9 am (I don't remember the exact time.) Anyways, he did not have a car freshmen year and the store within Helaman Halls didn't open early enough- so he walked to a 24 hour store at like 4 am, and bought a cake mix. He then proceeded to bake it and it was ready minutes before I had to take my sister to the airport. He called me and I went to retrieve it. I handed it to my sister and told her to meet me at the car- and he apologized for not having frosting- by the time he realized he didn't have any there wasn't any time left. I then told him it wasn't her birthday til July. Luckily he didn't get too mad. :) But anyways, we all shared the cake- which was VERY good, and then we had his pan. We had promised we would bake something in return when we returned his pan and it was working out perfectly that it wouldn't be too suspicious if it just HAPPENED to be on April Fools' Day.

We decided to use methane blue (btw, for those who may not know- it turns your waste a really weird blue color and sometimes freaks people out). It is mainly used in fish tanks, and so we called every Walmart and general store in the area as well as every pet store. Finally we called a pet store in American Fork who said they had 2 bottles left- we told him to save us one and left immediately. So we journeyed out to American Fork and when we walked in we announced we were the ones who had called for the methane blue. Instead of small idle chatter this guy got straight to the point, "Who are the brownies for?" We had not mentioned brownies or anything. :) Oh well! So we went back and proceeded to make the brownies. We put in 100 drops and wondered if we put too much in, if it would poison them. I tried calling my mom- but she didn't answer the phone, so we stopped at 100 drops. We delivered the brownies, but all of us girls who had made it were curious as to how it worked, so we all took brownies gladly. Unfortunately, as we later found out, after talking to my mom and through sad experience, 100 drops is not enough. Too much doesn't poison you- or at least a whole bottle doesn't. But it's too late to try that one on them again- maybe some other time I'll find a new culprit and be able to use it! :)

Twilight- First Love, Heartache and Happiness

I have delayed writing this experience til now because it is not as entertaining as I usually like my stories to be. However my posts have not all been stories as of late and I have finally consented (to myself) to document it. There seems to be a new novel writing technique- that of making characters that we can relate to and having them find similarities in their lives to the classics. This is what I'm about to do, but my story doesn't relate to a single story but to many. And it doesn't exactly relate to any classic either but to a book that uses this technique. So I'm in essence relating my life to a story that in turn relates to yet another story.

I'm not starting at the very beginning because it is not all important. I will start a few years ago when I fell in love with a boy. When I read Twilight for the first time I related him to Edward. The thing is I was very attracted to him and he to me. He from the get go warned that he was not good for me but I chose to see differently. I saw the bad boy edge but I also saw his potential. I could see that certain things in his life made him a "monster" as Edward viewed himself but his actions to me showed how he was overcoming that and did everything he could not to fit the stereotype. I was not afraid of him although I probably should've like Bella also should've feared the vampire within. But both Bella and I saw the efforts of restraint and chose to admire that trait. I'm still not sure if I was wrong to do this though I know there were plenty of other mistakes made (I still don't regret them, for I learned from them).

I remember having a discussion with him once about who loved the other person more. His answer was much like Edward's. He told me he had seen more of love and had experienced it more and lived longer... the likes while I was inexperienced and naive. I'll admit that both Bella and I were inexperienced but that doesn't always mean we don't understand something or are even wrong. As is the case for Bella it worked out- they were akin to soulmates. Anyways, skipping ahead- the point of this is not really the love story and the similarities that way.

In the second book Edward leaves and Bella becomes a zombie. This isn't exactly my story, but I broke it off- it wasn't right, but when I broke it off I really didn't think I was doing anything permanent, I kinda thought of it as wrong timing. I closed off afterwards. I got really depressed, he had moved on, and I started realizing it really was over and not just a matter of timing. My Mom one day came into my room asking me if I was alright. I replied, "Yes, why?" (In my mind, the sun was out, I had slept in and just woken up- today was a good day, nothing new had really happened.) And then she responded, "You just have been kinda distant recently." I can't remember if I had already read the second book or if it was later that week, but when I read through Edward's missing months and how she virtually became a walking zombie, I realized it was a pretty accurate description of what I had let myself become. On the outside I did everything I was supposed to, I talked to people, when they talked to me. I even would get excited on occasion when talking with close friends- but someone else always had to initiate it. I became the shy girl that I had, until recently, overcome. In Bella's case she had Jacob, who becomes a love interest, but for me, well I was too attached to my ex at the time. People react differently after a break up, but for me I closed off completely. I was pretty confident of myself- even still. I knew that if I opened up and showed someone my true self I could get any guy I wanted- the problem was, I felt like I would only be on the rebound. I felt like I'd just be using some poor guy and then have to break their heart once I had sufficiently used them- so I just avoided all guys. There were guys I met that I thought were cute- I just wouldn't talk to them, I wouldn't let them see the real me. The only guys I talked to were the ones related to me, my previous guy friends and on a need-only basis and I limited my contact even then. I didn't want to use some poor Jacob character and then have to break his heart.

There was a brief time when I let someone in- I thought I was over my ex, and I can say I gave him an honest chance. When I briefly dated this guy, I didn't compare him to my ex, I gave him a fair chance, but when I felt it wasn't right anymore I broke that one off. The things we do to protect our hearts once they've been seriously broken. For a long time I felt like damaged goods- that I'd never have my whole heart to give again.

Don't get me wrong- in the books I wanted Edward and Bella together- and there was a time when I thought it would work out much the same for me. But those feelings didn't last long- I knew my story would be different- but that still didn't take away the pain.

I don't know if the next part fully relates to the book, but I will continue to relate where applicable. In my story, I didn't have a Jacob character- well not really. I was my own Jacob. I pulled myself out of my zombie-ness. In my "Edward" relationship I had tried to heal him, so to speak- I had tried to change him and it didn't work. So I didn't want to be in a relationship where someone else had to heal me- I wanted to heal myself- which is mainly how it works- you and the Savior. Anyways, yet another reason why I pulled away from guys. I learned to be happy on my own. I am now JUST as happy as Bella was when Edward came back- not as in love as she was, obviously, but I am cured. It took me way longer than I would like to admit, but I am whole once again. Now, however I feel out of practice with being myself around guys, especially. I love my church calling, I focus on the girls around me, but it has drawn me out of my shell almost to the point where I was before entering zombie-land. My story ends differently. My Edward will change. The first one, was the one I had, and the final one is one of my choosing, sometime in the future. I will still end up just as happy and in love as Bella when I finally find my future Edward (I use that term loosely- I don't expect to find some perfect person- I just mean to find someone that I love as much as Bella loves Edward). Throughout this whole experience I have learned more than I could ever contain in one post but mostly I have learned that everyone has faults, but sometimes one is not accustomed to having patience with certain faults. My previous relationship was far from perfect- his flaw was not like Edward's was, as far as I was not patient enough to really be there for him, and I don't really regret that, there are simply certain things that I have learned that I cannot, personally, put up with. People have different personalities. Maybe one person is too messy- maybe they shouldn't be with a neat freak- but there is still someone out there for that person. I know what I can and can't handle. I still believe as I once believed (part of the reason I ended up with him) that he could change, but I'm not longer looking for someone I have to change. I don't care where they've been- I feel that people need different things in life- sometimes the farther they've come and the more they've overcome makes them stronger. Some are just lucky enough not to fall- whatever the case may be, I don't care how he got it but he needs a testimony of the Atonement and what it can do for people. I don't care if he is IN the process of changing when I meet him, but I want to know for sure that he is changing for HIMSELF and not because he feels that I expect it and he needs to in order to be with me- that's not a lasting change. In my case, I had forgiven him for everything he had done- it was just a matter that he stopped changing, and I should've realized it then- that it was NOT a lasting change. He had been changing for me, not for himself, and that is the difference. I don't think it matters that you're dating someone while you are changing. You will never be perfect, you will always be changing in some way or another, what matters is that you change for yourself and not someone else and that you know that the person you are with truly wants the same things and goals that you do. One can inspire another and sometimes it helps to be with someone who has faith in you to help you through, but the desire to change has to be all your own. I know that break-ups can be hard, and I know that they can sometime seem to last forever, but I know that they end- all of them. It's just a matter of time (as cliche as that is...)

Protector or Creeper?

So, with New Moon that came out a few weeks ago, I got talking to my sisters and my Mom about the movies. I love them because they are a representation of the books I love, but honestly I thought Twilight was REALLY cheesy. I mean there's a lot of scenes where the camera seems to be swirling around them as they're laying in the meadow, or laying in her bed and NO interaction. AND Edward, to me comes off as a creepy stalker in the movie and that wasn't the impression I got in the book. So, I'm an Edward fan- at heart, but when I watch the movies I become a Jacob fan.

Anyways, I have a few things that I want to say relating to Twilight, first off has to do with what my mom said when we were critiquing the movies. She was like, Edward IS a creepy stalker that Bella falls in love with. The whole book is about a girl who falls in love with the bad boy instead of what's good for her. I kinda see my mom's point, but at the same time I became defensive- that's NOT the Edward I know and love from my book reading experience. (I don't use love seriously. I'm not so much "involved" with him as some people. I do not expect people to live up to the expectations that Edward creates, nor do I fantasize about a real life Edward, but if a book is written well enough I become part of the stories as I read them. That to me, is a good book. So now, back to the current subject.) So, I started thinking that maybe Edward IS just as creepy as he comes across in the movie. Maybe I loved the books so much as a passing obsession, after all, I've only read them once. So I started reading them again. And I am STILL an Edward fan. Here's the thing, there are subtle hints all along the way of ways that Bella was MADE to be in his world. Yes, he's a vampire, there's a dangerous bad boy edge to his character. But in the books he has risen above it. He has become a "vegetarian" as they call it because he doesn't want to be a monster. He did not start off as a creepy stalker, from reading the books again and a SMALL amount of Edward's book from the brief version online you find out that Edward was attracted to her scent, and he hated her for it because he felt it brought out the monster in him. So what does he do? He leaves for Alaska for a little while and then realizes he can't stay away. Love or lust? I'm not going to go into it in this posting, but he's drawn back but still tries to keep his distance because he knows it's best for her. There's the whole scene where he saves her from being smashed by a car. And he can read thoughts, supposedly EVERY guy went after her, and clearly in the book you see at least 4 examples other than Edward, so how would he not think about her with her being the new commodity running through everyone's head. Once again back to the car incident and various other accounts that he witnessed through thoughts of her clumsiness she proved herself a danger magnet. So he leaves for a weekend and the first creepy stalker account happens after that weekend when he ends up watching her when she's in her backyard. Once again, not going into whether the attraction is more than surface deep or not, but he wanted to know she was safe. More of a protector than creepy stalker, after knowing her ability to find disaster. The incident in Port Angeles, he followed her, but gave her space keeping tabs on her from time to time. He didn't follow her when she went off on her own which is why she had to be rescued from her almost attackers. Then AFTER she basically admits to being obsessed with him, that's when he starts coming to her window and watching her sleep. So basically I'm still under the impression that he's more of a protector than creepy stalker.

On to another point I want to make. I was heading out from my dance class this semester and this guy is writing a paper on attraction- I don't remember full details or how it fulfills the writing requirements for his class, I just remember the basics. We were talking how, shallow as it may be, looks are what usually attracts people to each other, at least initially. He brought up Edward and Twilight and basically said that HE thinks Edward is a creepy stalker, but Bella is so entranced by his looks that she doesn't care. I don't fully agree with that, but maybe it's because I see similarities between Bella and I that maybe I'm in denial about. Either way, he asked a girl if she thought George Clooney was hott. She said yes, so he then asked if she would find it creepy if he was stalking her. She said no. He claimed that it's all based on looks, and I claimed, "well, you see if George Clooney were to stalk you, it would probably just come off as really good acting. Kinda like Jonny Depp, he can play the weirdest creepiest characters and still, I just think he's an amazing, talented actor. Same with Heath Ledger and playing the Joker. You watch that and you're not creeped out when you see Heath Ledger, you just think he was amazing to pull off the Joker. (I guess in his offense, those are ALSO good-looking examples, but still, to me Edward is not a creeper.)

Back to when my sisters and I were critiquing the movie Twilight, my sister and I talked about how we thought they should've replaced some of the boring camera swirls and techniques of just them lying next to each other with better scenes from the book. It's true, you see nothing of the day Bella fainted at the smell of blood (which is kinda important to understanding how she fits in his world- Edward says humans don't smell blood.) You don't see much of their interaction in Biology, you don't see the scene where Edward sits with her at lunch, just the two of them and they have their first real conversation. You don't see SO many things that would be better and go more into their actual relationship than just the surface, superficial staring at one another while laying down scenes.

So my conclusions: liking the books was not a passing obsession. They may not be the best books, but I still love them. And Edward in my mind is still not a creepy stalker. Edward and Bella were made for each other.

A Little of This, and a Little of That...

So just talking about my life right now. Ever since I graduated high school I have had family members ask me when I'm getting married- uncles, aunts, cousins (my parents didn't join in til MUCH later)... I once told my cousin that I was getting married in Spring and he got SO excited! And he was like, really? Who's the guy? I then told him, there wasn't one- I didn't tell him a year... but ideally I think I'd choose to marry in the spring, if I can. Who knows? Anyways, I've never been in a rush to get married, still not- I mean I want to get married, I do. I want to be in love, I want to find the one that I love enough to marry. I want to have kids, and other things as well. There was a time when I thought I would marry a guy- but I'm glad it didn't work. My family did not approve and I learned a lot from that experience. From that experience I know that I am who I am and I don't need a guy, though sometimes it might be nice. I can wait for the right one, one who loves me for me and I love him too. How this relates to my life currently? Well I guess you could say I'm still single, so the family pressure is still there.. On my Dad's side of the family- which I am closer to, after having grown up around them- I am the only single girl for a few years. The other two are married with at least one child. I'm in that group. Then comes the boys and all except one who just recently came home, are out on missions, the next grouping is 5 years younger than me and just reaching marriage age. Who knows? Maybe my sister will get married before me?

I was talking with my mom the other day- I think it was over the break. They've been trying to convince me to change my major so I can finish with school and they're not sure that this is what I REALLY love... Which is semi true... I love it, but there are other things that I equally love, including music. My mom thinks I should look into becoming part of the music entertainment industry. (Then I could also have a high chance of living in Southern California.) One thing that I think is funny is my parents used to tell me they couldn't see me being a teacher (back when I wanted to do that...). But after coming home from my mission they've suggested looking into that. My Dad says I should be a preschool teacher- cause I'm "on their level"... :) They want me to be happy, and I love them for that, and I understand. My mom at one point started crying because she said that she wants me to be a mom because I'd be good at it- I love kids. But she started crying because, although she knows the reason why, she said I'm happy being single and she just hopes I'm not TOO happy being single that I won't try to find love.

As far as kids go- I MISS having little kids around. Backtracking- I went on a dental trip with my Uncle to Paraguay. I LOVED it! I got to spend time with the kids and had a few "leaches". So did my cousins- we all seem to be good with kids- maybe because we were the oldest? I don't fully understand how, but I remember having a conversation with a nicer old man from the town there. Why I don't understand how? Because Spanish is my second language, and when I say second language, I mean, I can say Hola, Que tal? And Como se dice.... and point to something... And THEIR second language was Spanish. When I say THEIR second language is Spanish I mean that 2 adults spoke Spanish and the kids were being taught it in school. So I don't think this man was even speaking Spanish. But when I was talking to him I happened to be carrying one of my "leaches" around. I knew he was asking me if I was taking him back with me to the States. I knew he was joking, so my response was, yes I am. But as I was talking to him I realized something- these kids had great families- families that loved them, and although they were destitute of some necessities and virtually all wants as defined by our culture in the US, they were HAPPY, and I realized that if I took any of them back with me to the states that they would likely be more tainted by all the technology, rather than helped. So, even though I wouldn't have taken any of the kids with me I still refer to them as MY kids, and I miss them! I was ecstatic when I found that one of them passed the sacrament for the first time! (The town we visited was all Mormon, and my Uncle went back when I was on my mission, so I heard the news in a letter) I was around kids on my mission- and I had my favorites there. I have some favorite little cousins whom I miss! The youngest ones are Marina and Marisa- and they are SO CUTE!!! They both love me when I come back to visit. They are two of my favorites along with this little girl Georgie (who is of no relation- but I absolutely LOVE her!) Anyways, back to now and how it relates. I was talking about my mom and how she wants me to be married and is "worried" for me. She is also worried because I have solved my desire to be around kids for now. :)

I had been thinking about getting a job for awhile now. I happened to be walking from class to my car one day and felt the sudden need to take a different route. Well on that route I saw a sign that led me to a website for possible jobs. I filled out a profile as soon as I got home and within 2 hours I had a phone call and an interview the following day. At the interview I got the job on a week trial basis. The deal was, if it wasn't what I was looking for we would discuss it at the end of the week. But I LOVE it! I am a nanny? or babysitter? Or Mother's helper? This Mom has 6 kids of her own. When 3 had left the house to start college she started adopting. She now has 9 adopted kids- all black (not that it matters, but just so you can get a SLIGHTLY better picture of them, without me actually having a picture of them). 8 of the adopted kids are ADHD and the last one is autistic. She had been adopting in pairs and was able to do it on her own. But the last 3, which I help the most with- well the 3rd one wasn't planned. The last one, Kaden is related to Keyana- one of the last 3 and was also being put up for adoption, so her "agent" had called and asked her if she'd consider taking one more. So she did. But the last 3 are all in their terrible twos at the same time, all being potty trained, all VERY active, and so on... I get there in the mornings and have some interaction with 4 of the other kids. I love them too, even though I don't see them very much. The youngest 3 are Kaden, Karissa and Keyana. Karissa- she is sometimes the worst. She will push Kaden- once making him bleed, and can be quite nasty, but she is also the sweetest when it comes to saying sorry and generally wants to help the most. I sing a clean up song- and she's the only one that chips in. She is also the protector. Keyana LOVES putting things in her mouth. We were outside playing and she put dirt in her mouth, so I counted to three telling her to spit it out and when she didn't I went to run over and Karissa comes up to me and "pets" my leg saying "Sorry, Sorry, Keyana's sorry! You don't have to take her inside" That was what I said I would do- I didn't intend on keeping her inside though. I picked up Karissa and told her to watch, I went over to Keyana and asked if the dirt tasted good. (Now switching over to Keyana) She said no, so I said do you want to rinse it out inside? Another yes. So I turned back to Karissa and said, "See she wants to go inside, and we'll be right back out as soon as she gets the dirt out of her mouth". Keyana is the only one who can get dressed by herself. She is also the best at saying NO. Both Keyana and Karissa are a pair and do almost everything together. They like helping to vacuum (though they're not great at sharing the vacuum yet) and the msot recent addition is I've taught them to help me with the dishes. Now rinsing them because the mix between them and water is a disaster. But I get out the containers for their sippy cups and for Kaden's bottles and they put the other plastic cups in the drawer where they go. The glass cups they carefully put on the counter for me to put up. They know where the plates and bowls go and just need a little help and after I check for sharp utensils, they help me put the silverware away too. Kaden- he is the autistic one and my favorite- when I can understand him. He says stuck a lot... and usually it's not a matter of being stuck and you have to figure it out. We have piano time just about every day. They're learning to play "nicely" instead of pounding on the piano. And they ask me to play for like mini songs- I don't think I finish too many songs unless they're REALLY tired. Before I put them down for nap, Kaden helps me get the girls in their rooms, I sing to them. But unfortunately, they seem to like it a little TOO much and don't usually fall asleep to it. One of their favorites is "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater" And "A Child's Prayer". Anyways, I'm usually exhausted by the time I get home but it's very fulfilling. It's a real work out trying to find something for them to do and just pick up after them. (It IS easier now that they help me with the dishes instead of me having to distract them so I could do it in spare time.) We also like dance parties- good Christmas songs and Disney songs. Our two favorites are "Hakuna Matata" and "I'm Gonna Be a Mighty King" (one of my favorites from growing up).

Anyways, life is good. Life is entertaining. I could probably talk for hours about all the kids I claim as "mine". And I am perfectly content to be single until it's right. I have no desire to rush into another relationship and possible heart break if it isn't. So with that, I'm done. For now. :)

The One

So, I've been thinking a lot about "The One" recently, or a soul-mate. However you choose to look at it. I have lots of friends who have gotten married and many others who are still in that stage where they are looking for "The One" as I am. I put it into quotes for a reason that I hope will become clear by the end of this. I will be bringing in a lot of what I believe in, which some people may not agree with, but it is what makes sense to me based on what I believe to be true. This post may be a little on the long side, but I want to make sure I include as much as possible so I'm almost positive it makes sense.

I will start by saying that I believe that we lived before this Earth life. I believe in God being our Heavenly Father. And I believe family relationships are the most important relationships we can strive to develop while here on Earth. At this particular time I'm not really going to go into why I believe everything I do, although it is simple in principle I have a way of making it more complex and it would take much too long to explain. But I don't believe that babies are magically brought into this world with certain personalities and to certain families. I believe we are placed in certain families for a reason. If it is not the greatest childhood I believe there is something to be learned from it and although I feel sorry for the children I still believe they were placed in such hard situations for a reason, sometimes for the benefit of another. I'm straying already. I believe families are meant to last forever- not til death do us part. I believe in life after this life, just as I believe we existed before this life as we know it. And I believe that families last beyond what we can see and understand as mere mortals. If families are supposed to last forever, why would we be expected to make a choice of who we should marry and be with FOREVER in a matter of a few years in the spectrum of what I believe to be more than millions of years. It seems we should spend more time than that on decisions that affect forever. But I also said I believe we existed before. I believe we existed as individuals before- not with a body as we are now but our spirits that I believe are an integral part of us, I believe that that part of us existed for a long time before we came here and were born on this Earth. I believe we had relationships with people here. I don't know about everyone but there are times when I feel drawn to someone I hardly know. As if I know them. Some people say they fell in love with words such as "love at first sight". I believe there are times when our spirits can recognize people we once knew. And I believe that we had a say in who are families would be here. So in a sense I believe in soul-mates- someone we chose before. I believe we existed for a long time before we came here and knew people better than we know them now. So it would seem as if I believe in "The One", but I don't, not as most people see it, anyways.

Here in this life, life is nowhere near perfect. There is a veil that has been placed over our minds so we do not remember life before this. We are to "walk by faith" as the Apostle Paul wrote. We make mistakes as humans, we are learning, growing. Some people have forgotten who they were and that they chose to come to Earth (another side note that requires way too long of an explanation to into fully- I believe that all people on this Earth were good and proved it when they chose to come to Earth, but some have chosen to go a different way here on Earth which creates a lot of good and bad people). There is abuse, their is death, drugs, disease- some things that are within the control of humans and some that are not. And bad things often happen to good people.

I believe in Heaven and Hell, but not as a lot of Christians view it. I do not believe that Hell is endless burning and that if one is not baptized into a certain church one will burn forever. But I do believe that there are different degrees within heaven "In my Father's house are many mansions." (KJV John 14:2) I believe we have to prove ourselves worthy of living with our families forever and being sealed to them. (That is the way I interpret another scripture but it also goes off on a tangent.) So what if "The One" dies because of life here on Earth? Are we doomed to be alone for all of this life- which at times seems very long? What if "The One" for us decides they don't really care to do what's right? Are we doomed to be with someone who doesn't want to be the best they can be and might end up in a life of abuse? No. But in the same sense, I believe that God knows everything, including who we will end up with, so if that is how you define "The One" then I guess I believe in it. But He knows who we will end up with based on our choices.

There have been many quotes given by apostles and prophets in my church. Some saying there is no such thing as The One. They also say that ANY two righteous people can get married if they are willing to pay the price. I think they say that because some people would say they found The One and even if that person was not living worthy of them, they would attach themselves to a life of misery and abuse by choice, all in the name of 'The One'. But at the same time there are other quotes that tell people in my church to pray about it, to find the right one, that when we can see how God brought us and our spouse together we will have more harmony in our relationship. Which almost implies there being One soul-mate for us.

What makes sense to me is that there are "Ones". Maybe we chose to be with someone before this life began. But maybe he decides that he wants to be a murderer here. God will not doom us to be tied down to him. He will provide another if we are doing everything we can to be the right one. If our spouse dies, or our "soul-mate" dies, we are not doomed to live alone forever. The Lord can prepare someone else.

We always have a say in who we marry and there isn't a One and Only until you seal yourself to that person- then they become, by your choice, your One and Only, your soulmate (and unless there are extreme circumstances, I believe both parties need to work on their marriage no matter what, with the attitude that now that they are married there is only ONE.) I understand that divorce happens and it isn't always both sided and there can still be happiness for those who go through this, I also know that there are cases with abuse where it isn't safe for someone to remain in the marriage, for the kids, or whatever the circumstance may be. (So basically I believe in exceptions... sorry for the tangent) I think that's it on this subject for now... :) Until later! :)

DUI

So, it's been awhile since my last blog... I was exploring other blog sites but I miss just writing... I'm back for awhile- though I'm not a hundred percent sure those who were reading will even bother to check because of my long absence. I think I mainly stopped writing cause I didn't feel I had anything I could write in my spare time... The stories that I want to share most deserve more time than I have to offer sometimes.

Anyways, today's story is going to be my DUI. I miss the good old days when me, Brittany and Amanda would hang out ALL the time! I mean, we're all where we need to be and having fun but we had so many good memories. This was one of our last before Brittany left us for bigger and better things (getting married). Amanda and I came up to visit Brittany in lovely Provo. We had all been here before for EFY, family vacations and what not but it was the first time we were all there together by ourselves and not at EFY. On Sunday, Brittany was hanging with her fiance. (We had flown up to find bridesmaid dresses, btw.) So she loaned us her car for the afternoon. We went to go visit our cousin Jessica who was also in Utah and had recently been in a car accident. We met her, now husband and were able to spend a little time with her as well. Then we left her place and decided we would just go exploring. Brittany had GPS in her car so we weren't too concerned about getting lost, though neither of us understood the grid system yet... but we weren't bad with directions, especially if it's step by step. So we started out, and I don't fully remember where we were but we ended up, I believe on University Avenue about to get on the freeway when we decided to turn around. We knew the basic areas around BYU, or at least Brittany's place, and where her fiance lived. So we were driving back along and even though we didn't understand the grid system we were pretty sure if we continued long enough we would hit University Parkway, and from there we knew where to go. Well, I don't see the greatest at night, and I don't know if other people have noticed this, but lighting in Utah sucks... In comparison to California streets that are all lit up it's hard to see Utah street signs til you've almost passed them. So basically I was slowing down before I got to every stop light so I'd be able to read the sign. And I would also SLIGHTLY swerve the car so the headlights would shine ON the street signs. I was very careful not to swerve out of my lane though.

Well, we FINALLY found University Parkway, so I turned on my signal to switch lanes, witched lanes and turned right. Then all of a sudden I realize there's lights going off behind me. I turn to Amanda and go, "Is he pulling ME over?" Amanda looks around (there's no one else on the road) and says, "Who ELSE is he pulling over?" So I pulled over and the officer walks up to the window. All formal-like, you know how they get he goes, "Driver's license and proof of registration." I responded, "Here's my license, but it's not my car, it's my cousin's, we took it for the afternoon and I can check her glove compartment, but I'm really not sure if that's where she keeps it..." He looks at my license and goes, "California huh?" So I started talking out of nervousness, "Yes, we came up to visit my cousin and look for bridesmaid dresses cause she's getting married." So he starts talking to us and then goes, "So are you lost?" And I was like, "No, we were, but we found University Parkway and we're headed to Heritage Halls and so we now know where we're going- just up ahead and then turn right and then it's just down the street..." I don't know why I remember this, maybe because I thought it was ridiculous that I knew part of Provo better than him but he was like, "Heritage Halls? No you have to go up to the light and make a left." I knew better though- to the left was the MTC and the temple, but I just thanked him and we didn't turn left. But after making sure we knew where we were going he said his farewells, "Alright, well have a fun stay. Travel safely!" and started walking back to his car. I was still confused, he had never written a ticket. He never even saw proof of registration- we hadn't even checked the glove compartment. I leaned out the window and called to him, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you pulled me over?" He responded, "I had pulled you over to give you a DUI because you were slowing down and speeding up drastically and swerving all over the road." You can ask Amanda, I never swerved out of my lane and I never went over the speed limit, but I guess it could've looked like that- but in reality we were just lost.. We thought it was hilarious that we'd been pulled over though and so I dropped Amanda off- Brittany was still at her fiance's, and she went inside and I drove off around the corner. Amanda was to go in and say, "Brittany I need your help! They pulled us over for a DUI cause Jamie was swerving all over the road and they didn't believe us when we said we were just lost. They took Jamie to the station but they let me come home and if you'll vouch for us that we're just visiting they'll let her go." I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened, but I got a phone call from Amanda a little while later, "They didn't fall for it... They say they would've held me and had you come get Brittany..." But that's my DUI story- not the greatest, but still a fond memory of mine, mainly because it was so random! And so dumb! Hopefully I'll get back into this and I promise to work on keeping on top of it! :)

My "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"

K, so I know it's been awhile since my last post. I will now write about an experience from my mission- I have been putting off writing this one because it seems like it's a long story- but now that I say that I'll probably write it in no time. The story is about my "Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad Day" as my companion and I called it. It started out one morning, I think still in winter- it was at least cloudy and we were up in Pineville, LA. For all who know me- I'm not exactly a morning person- but on my mission I was obedient in rolling out of bed for prayers and often would talk- not because I was awake, but in an effort to wake myself up. Well, first thing after prayers I was like, today's not going to be a good day- I don't know if with that statement I cursed the rest of the day, or what. I don't even know why I said it- but I had a feeling- even if that feeling was, 'I'm so tired I'm not going to focus well today-therefore it's going to be a bad day' or if I knew more would happen. Well, it was a Monday morning and so it was Preparation Day- the day to do laundry, e-mail family, go grocery shopping, wash the car, and then we usually went to meet the elders to play games or something til 6pm. So laundry was first- we usually tried to multi-task it. Well this particular day, I don't remember how we multi-tasked it- I simply know we did. When we retrieved the laundry we went to separating it (it was cheaper to wash it all together) so we would dump it on Sister Robinson's bed and she would throw my stuff at me, where I was sitting on my bed ready to start folding. Well, it was the wrong time of the month and so when she threw one item of clothing it went over my head and fell off my bed- I got so mad that it had touched the floor and felt like she had disrespected me- yes I know very drastic, even for me. So I told her I didn't appreciate her throwing my stuff at me- especially if she missed. I'm sure she was puzzled because we ALWAYS throw the clothes. But anyways, the argument escalated and I'm not sure who said it first but someone said, 'Fine, well I won't talk to you'. So the other person said 'Fine, I won't talk to you either.' Just so everyone knows- this was the worst fight I had been in with a companion and the longest I was intentionally silent with anyone as well. After folding laundry, she went to go finish, or do her personal study- she was reading in the middle of Alma in the Book of Mormon- the war chapters, and I went to go get ready for the day.

While in the shower I got over being mad- if I'm ever mad because of something at the wrong time of the month it rarely lasts long, but I AM stubborn, and so is Sister Robinson. So in the shower I got to the point where I wasn't mad anymore- but heck if I was going to be the first one to speak. So I decided I wouldn't speak to her still. Well I also decided to shave that morning- I don't know why- probably a "blessing" from the Lord, but I cut myself while shaving more times than ever before (or since for that matter). I decided to take pieces of toilet paper and tear them into small pieces to help clot the blood- and I did a fairly decent job of making sure the pieces weren't bigger than needed. Nevertheless, when I finished putting toilet paper on all my cut marks it looked like I was covered in snow. Also for those who know me, I loved my sarong (lava lava, or pareo...) so I wrapped that around me over my garments and walked out of the bathroom and straight to Sister Robinson- because I thought it was just too funny not to share. From the corner of her eye I could tell she knew I was there, so I announced, "Sister Robinson! Check out THESE battle wounds!" I didn't know she was reading the war chapters at the time- but she looked up and just started laughing. Then she announced she needed her camera so we took a picture- unfortunately I have yet to find that picture- I don't know what happened to it... :( So thus ended our silent spell.

Shortly after that we left our apartment to go e-mail. Nothing too exciting happened there. Then we went grocery shopping at Walmart. After buying groceries I went to an ATM at the front of the store- I was going to withdraw money from my home account so we could use the money to get quarters to wash the car and for laundry for the next week. The ATM didn't work. So I spun around, and we were going to head to the bank so we could check the balance on my card and try and get some money out. Well, while turning the mission cell phone (yes we had cell phones for missionary purposes only) slipped from my fingers and dropped to the ground. I looked down and was close to tears when I realized it was in four pieces. Of course the battery had poppe off, and the cover for the battery- that wasn't a huge deal. But the top part was disconnected from the bottom keypad part. Luckily on closer examination it was being held together by the wire that makes the top screen work- so our phone still worked. But it wouldn't go back together and was in a VERY fragile state.

So then we went to the bank and I checked the balance on my card. I think I had $0.38 in my account. Whatever it was, it was less than a dollar. I was at this point distraught. My companion got money out of her account and we were going to use her account to get the quarters today and I would write my parents and ask them to check my account from home. We then went through the Taco Bell drive thru and the elders called, asking us where we were. I was the designated driver and my companion was talking on the phone. We had the phone mostly folded to avoid from pulling at the wire that held the two parts together. So the phone looked like: < when she was talking- she moved the whole phone like that from her mouth to speak up to her ear to hear what they would say back. It was really funny and I was laughing like, the type of laughter where it's funny, it can't be denied, but I still felt condemned for having broken the phone. We told the elders we were picking up lunch, and still had to wash the car and then we would be at the church, and we told them we had a rough morning but would explain when we got there.

Sister Robinson tried to console me about breaking the phone, and had it not been that time of the month I'm sure reason would've sounded through. She after all, had been in a similar experience, but worse. The reason I was the designated driver was because she had once been the driver and had crashed the mission car into a red Lexus SUV, and both cars were totalled. That OBVIOUSLY is more damage than breaking a mere cell phone- and she wasn't condemned- yes she wasn't allowed to drive- but definitely not condemned. I knew that that should make me feel better, but because of my mood I felt certain that feeling bad about breaking the phone was still a better option.

We got to the car wash and I went to go get quarters. There were two machines- one for tokens and one for quarters. I read the tokens one (let me remind you- I had done this at least a dozen times before- so I knew what I was doing...) and it said something like $1= 4 tokens +1 token. $5=20 tokens +5 tokens. And even though I had gotten quarters a million times before and knew we didn't want tokens for whatever reason, that day my brain processed: $1= 4 quarters +1 quarter. $5= 20 quarters + 5 quarters. And I'm thinking- I wonder why people don't use THIS machine- you can make money from it. For $1 I'm getting $1.25 and for $5 I'm getting $6.25. So, thinking I was getting a great deal I put in $5. And when the tokens come out I realize what I've done and was mortified. I ran back to tell Sister Robinson- she was close enough, but not close enough to see the tokens that were covered by my hand. I don't remember exactly her reaction, but I'm pretty sure she looked at me and was like- we can't use tokens for laundry next week, and when she realized I already knew that she started laughing at me- which made me laugh, but I still didn't feel much better. So after washing the car with our "tokens" we stopped by a gas station so I could get a "comfort" drink. (Now that I get to this part of the story I remember what month it was! It WAS still winter- it was early to mid February! I'm so proud of myself!) So I go to the back of the gas station, Sister Robinson close behind and find the Mountain Dew- and they're having a 2 for 1 sale through February 28th. So I decided to grab two. I go to the counter and the lady there is like, 'Are these still on sale?' I said 'yes' while she looked back at the advertisement and turned back and was like, 'Nope'. And rang them both up full price. I was so out of it from the previous happenings of the day and dread with what would happen when the office knew I had broken the phone that I let her ring them up full price- I figured I would NEED BOTH comfort drinks anyways.

So then we continued on the last stretch to the church, where we met the elders. We told them of our interesting morning and how I broke the phone- and then we showed them the phone. We found out that they had been planning a prank on us- which is why they had called asking us where we were and that when Sister Robinson said we had had an interesting morning they thought again about doing it- so to this day I still don't know what they were planning. I don't know for sure- but it might have made the day better- it at least would've made for a better story now, I'm sure. Anyways, the Elders took our phone and permanently taped our phone together in the open position. And then we had to call the office to tell them we would need a new phone- which I might have to pay for. Luckily, the mission had just ordered new phones and everyone was going to be getting new phones in another week so they just shipped us to ours a little earlier and I didn't have to pay for a new one. :) The phone became famous. And now that I'm at the end of the story I can actually figure out the exact date of this "Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad Day". Because, you see, that Saturday we had someone get baptized, Stacey Stokes, February 17th. And he was interviewed by the Assistants who drove up on Wednesday and said if they had known our phone was broken they would've driven our new phone up. But they hadn't known- but they saw our phone as well, which at that point, we had added a bandaid to the tape because the tape started getting weak and all we had was a bandaid. Anyways, so our now funny "Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad Day" was February 12th, 2007.

On Brands

So, I don't know why but it seems I've been thinking a lot about brand names. The world we live in can be full of brand names: Gucci, Louis Vuitton, BCBG, Roxy, and MANY others. At times it is very materialistic. I understand this to a point, and I do care about brand names to an extent. I buy Kraft Parmesan Cheese, I get into certain brand names of pants- Arizona Jeans were a favorite of mine for awhile (though those were a lot cheaper than some brand names). What's in a brand name? Or even what's in a name?

It seems that reputations are attached to brand names and names in general. Let's think of an analogy. Let's say you are in high school and Brandy is the popular girl in school. She's at the very top. So because she's at the top, you decide that she must be something special and so you decide to tell her your most embarrassing secrets. Well unfortunately Brandy doesn't know you- you are not in her circle of friends. What does she do? She thinks the secrets are hilarious and starts telling them, maybe not with the intention of hurting you even, but simply because she thinks they're funny. And now your name is known for the embarrassing secrets instead of the intelligence or talents you were known for before. And all because you trusted in a name.

Let's take a slightly different analogy. Let's say your best friend Angelique, has proven herself time and time again as loyal- she understands you, she compliments you and when you're around her you're a better person. If you tell her your secrets she respects them. But Angelique isn't known for being loyal, or understanding, but you have gotten to know her and you know her to be just that. Let's take it a step further and say that Angelique is just as pretty and stylish as Brandy, she just isn't known because she's not outgoing and showy about it.

That is the way I see brand names. Big labels are known for their adherence to fashion. But other lesser known brands also mimick the fashions of the designer brands. Some do a good job and others don't. I understand if you buy designer jeans, cause #1 you have the money, and #2 you have found that they flatter your body and #3 you have found they are a good investment or some such reasons of logic. But if you are buying some brand simply for the brand name, I feel it is a waste of time. I think finding pants that fit are one of the hardest things to do. When I find a pair that works and fits well I stick with that brand. Cause they have proven to me that they understand my body shape and are designed to last long enough to make it worth however much they cost.

It is the same with food. I stick with Kraft Parmesan cheese, because they have proven to me that the taste they create is what I want. That is the purpose of brand names to me. To carry with it a reputation. But sometimes just because a brand is well known isn't because of their loyalty to their customers or their value as far as how long they last. Sometimes it is only because of the fashion and to create an air of "I'm better than you because I have such and such a brand." That's not a brand worth buying to me. I would much rather have a knock-off brand- get the same style and save my money for something more useful than trying to prove through meaningless ways that I am someone because I lucked out in the money department. That proves nothing about my character, and I am way more than a brand name.

Once again, I don't care if you like certain brand names, and I don't care how much they cost- all I'm saying is I hope you are using it because the brand has proved its value to you and not simply because of it's popularity due to a passing fad.

Marisa and Marina

Probably two of my favorite cousins! :) Both Marina and Marisa were born before my mission. I can't remember exactly, but Marina might have been born a year before I left which would make her about 4 now, I think and Marisa was only a few weeks old when I left and now almost 3. I got to hold her before I left though! They are adorable, and for the most part, they both know it too! :) I loved being home for Christmas for many reasons but they were two reasons. I saw more of Marisa, which isn't to say anything less about Marina. I saw Marisa first at church in nursery. She is SO funny! She will pretend to be shy sometimes as she did that time. We have a love/hate relationship. That is, sometimes, to my face she pretends to hate me, and she'll hide from me and won't come to me, but apparently when she goes home she'll say how much she loves me and is glad I'm home. There were many times this break, especially with the excitement of Santa, where Marisa and Marina were so cute! But my favorite was my last night. We try to go up to my grandma's house every Sunday and so I went and found my girls almost right away. I started chasing them, and they pretended to be afraid of me and would run until I caught up to them. But my grandparents aren't overly excited about kids running around in the house because accidents have happened before. So when I thought it was about time to stop I suggested hide and seek. We took turns hiding and seeking. They were always with someone. Marina was the leader here, but both of them get along great together and are both really animated! :) We hid in the dog kennel of the new puppy... we hid behind doors, under desks, we even took a break and ate some cupcakes that one of their moms had helped the two of them make. But finally it was about time for me to go, cause I hadn't even finished packing to drive back up to school. So I told them one more game which then turned into two... because they protested and were just too cute! But I did eventually have to go and we said goodbyes... I think Marina understood more because she's older... but Marisa got a sudden sad face and as soon as she gave me a hug she ran down the hall. We found her under a desk she had previously hidden under curled up in a ball... It was so sad... she was pouting, or trying to cry... but at the same time, endearing, and somewhat funny. :) Anyways, I love Marina and Marisa and miss them while I am away at school. :)