Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Irrational Fear of Bees

As some of you may know, I have an irrational fear of bees. To get to this level of fear you would have to assume that I was deathly allergic or had been stung many times. But truthfully, neither one is true for me. I hate pain though and even if you tell me it's not bad, I still run. Yes run. I don't stand still.

When I was young, someone once told me that bees won't sting you if you stay still. Well, one time in first grade (yes I remember the grade) I went out to recess. Before I got to the opposite side of the playground where my friends were playing for recess a bee landed on me. So I stopped running and I stood still. I posed myself so I could see the bee on my shoulder from my peripheral vision. I stood there the WHOLE recess. Granted it was the shorter recess, which I don't remember how long it really is. But at the end of our recesses we would have aides who would blow a whistle- the freeze whistle. When you heard the first whistle you had to freeze. If you didn't you could end up with a detention. Then you waited until they blew the second whistle which meant time to go to class. Well for the freeze whistle I had no problem, I was already frozen. But then the second whistle blew and I still stood watching the bee. I must have smelled really good that day or something. Everyone vanished from the playground and I was still standing. Afraid of being late I decided to take off running. I shooed the bee from my shoulder and bolted towards my classroom. I turned back at one time and saw the bee hovering in the air and it at least appeared to be following me. Luckily I was a good sprinter at the time. As I got to my class I turned back and still saw the bee. Well, I had learned that bees have multiple eyes and can't see very well. So, I ran to my desk and hid underneath it for the first few minutes of class. I don't know if my teacher, Mrs. Welton noticed, but she never asked.

Ever since that day I have not stood still for a bee. I usually run. Have I been stung? Once. I stepped on a stinger once. I know, very traumatizing, huh? And so therefore I have entitled this my irrational fear of bees, because such it is. I will now tell some stories of how bad I can be.

There are three accounts on my mission of times when I encountered bees. The first one was with Sister Goertzen. We were out walking- sometime in the middle of summer. There are times when she gets excited and forgets to eat. My stomach, on the other hand, rarely forgets a meal. So, lunchtime came and I was getting hungry and irritable. Sister Goertzen wasn't trying to be mean, she just simply hadn't thought about it because she herself wasn't hungry. Well, she then announced we should go tracting- in a direction farther from our house. I was out of water as well and started to throw a fit. She started to realize that I was hungry and needed some water (I don't know if we ended up going home, but I know I got water and something to last me- the story ends before my stomach was resolved. I'm just giving this background as a means to understand the emotional state I was in.) It was also the wrong time of the month. Yes, that makes it worse. Well, something landed on me and I shooed it away without even thinking but while shooing it away I happened to glance at it and notice what it was. I was too dehydrated, or delirious to process it though. I ended up freezing. I went into a state of shock and Sister Goertzen after a moment decided to ask if I was alright. It was at this point that I broke down crying as I realized that a bee had landed on me. I laugh about it now- so feel free to join in with me and many others. I can be very pathetic at times. :)

Another time happened with Sister Chipman in Baton Rouge. I was the driver. Well, I got in the car and shut the door and realized I had just trapped a bee inside that was sitting on the door. I knew I had to get away. But I couldn't get to the door handle to open the door again without crossing an imaginary line of safety. So instead, instinctively, I tried jumping to safety. Just as a child would run or jump into the arms of their mother for safety- so I was trying to jump into Sister Chipman's lap for safety. But, we were in the car, and I didn't exactly jump high... but instead I tried jumping- through the center console to safety. I ended up with a large bruise. Well, Sister Chipman, to save me, had to reach over me, curled in a ball into her side, open the door and shoo the bee out before I was able to recover.

The last story from my mission happened with Sister Jensen. We were helping this lady, Odette Pea put up Christmas decorations. No one would let us do service, and she was the only one who gave us any sort of task. So we took it gladly. Well, she had some deer to put up on top of her roof and so we climbed onto her roof. Mind you, it was a pretty flat roof. Well, we're up on top placing the deer into posts that were attached from previous years. I think I got up to go get the scissors because I was standing at the time the bee enters the scene. I start running away from the bee- on the roof. My companion is staring at me in disbelief, wondering what in the world I'm doing. Well, I managed to make a fair amount of noise because shortly thereafter Odette Pea comes out to see what's happening. She gets out, looks up and asks if all is alright. My companion tells her I was running from a bee. Now, Odette Pea put her hands on her hips and in a very southern Motherly scolding tone says, "Sister Lang, what is worse? Falling off a roof or getting stung by a bee?" Truth be told- this may sound sad- but I'd rather fall off a roof. It was just one story- and I've never had broken bones before- it seemed a much better alternative to something I already know how much it hurts... Plus, if I fell off a roof, I might get lucky and not break any bones.... But even if I would rather get stung by a bee, what was I going to say? If I said falling off a roof was worse, it would make common sense that I wouldn't run from a bee- and yet, that's what I had done. So I replied, "Being stung by a bee?" And I put on my sweetest, most innocent smile. I'm not sure, but I think she laughed and called me foolish next....

2 comments:

Sharon said...

Hi Jamie, fun to look back at the good ol La. day's. If you ever get bit by a bee remember the Barker's remedy---Tobacco, it works! Take Care, Sharon

Jamie B said...

I don't think I ever knew of their remedy... but I'll have to keep that in mind... too bad I don't have an overabundant supply of tobacco... :) I miss Louisiana sometimes. :)