Phantom

So, I guess it's time for an update with the Phantom boyfriend. I'm going to start a few years back actually and jump around a little but I will try to be clear and I hope you can follow. I assume most of my readers are LDS, or believe in receiving answers to prayers, and with that I will touch on answers to my prayers over the years, and things I've done that I think were following promptings to lead me to where I am today.

So a few years back I dated a guy- I really fell for him. Technically I ended that relationship, but I hadn't wanted it to end, and when reality hit- that it was over, well I became almost zombie like- kinda like how Bella is described in New Moon- but not quite as bad- I don't think. But I was going through the motion of things for a little while. I was praying for comfort. I had thought things would work out with the other guy and I wanted some type of hope that things would work out. Well I had a really weird dream. In my dream I was in the temple, and it was supposed to be my wedding day. The groom never showed and the temple workers (this is the weird part) told me that I wasn't allowed to leave without getting married. My family and I started asking all the single men who had come if they'd marry me. Weird, I know- if I thought I was romantically attached to any other guy, I probably would not have invited them to my wedding to another guy... but anyways, every guy had an excuse- they weren't ready, they weren't sure. I woke up and dismissed it as a weird dream. I continued to pray for comfort that things would work out, and I don't know if the dream was inspired or not, but I felt assured that there was someone out there, but he wasn't ready yet, but he was out there, and one day he'd show up.

I don't know if just one year passed or a few, but time passed nonetheless, and I would try to keep my eyes open for a good guy- the type I was looking for. I was trying not to be too picky, but there were times when people told me I was too picky. I had a height requirement, which I lowered, not sure if that was before or after my dream- but now the requirement is he has to be my same height or taller when I'm wearing flip flops, preferably when I wear my highest heels too, but that second part is no longer a requirement. Before I get to the next part I want to say that over the years I have dabbled in online dating. I have tried almost every LDS singles site- or at least all the old ones and some of the new ones. So online dating wasn't new to me. I had gone on dates with guys and guys always seem to think they're taller than they really are. So I guess I lied a little about my height on my profiles... I'm somewhere in between 5'10 and 5'11, so I just decided to round up so that hopefully if a guy was 5'11 he'd hopefully at least be my same height. As a practice, I would give out my phone number, but I would meet up with people in a public place, away from my car, so if they turned out to be a stalker they couldn't go around Utah looking for where my car was parked, or know where I lived. I also would start praying about a guy before a first date. The first prayer would just be simple- asking if it was safe to meet up with them, and then I'd go based on feelings. Anyways, when it's late at night I do things that are slightly more spontaneous for me, and almost out of character. It was one of these nights that I signed up for an account on eHarmony- just to see what it was like. I saw the commercial on tv and figured, what the heck, I've tried other dating sites, might as well see what this one is like. I found I loved the way it was set up- you rate your priorities, and one of them lets you choose religion as necessary and you can pick Christian, and then specific denominations pop up. I don't know if I clicked Mormon or LDS, but I clicked the equivalent, and everyone I was paired up with was LDS- so I loved the site. It did initial matchings and then you could scan through those profiles and decide who to talk to.

For a while I chose not to pay for a membership- which meant I couldn't see any pictures (so I also chose not to upload any pictures, so we'd be on even terms). Also I could only communicate on free weekends, and hope they'd respond in time to get a few things back and forth. They obviously want you to sign up for their service so if they find you've posted your email or another way to contact you, they take your profile down, but I found a way to encrypt it in there- some guys figured it out, and others I had to wait til I got to what's called "open communication" before I could send them my email address. Well that leads me to my next answer.

One Monday night we had FHE (Family Home Evening- which is a little different in singles wards) but we had it at our Stake President's House with a message from them. I actually can't remember his name but I can still picture his face. He talked about priorities. He talked about how God should be #1, and #2 should be our spouse. If our spouse is supposed to be #2, then if we are unmarried, we should make it a priority to FIND our #2 in life. That struck out to me (and it kinda makes me laugh to think that in this past General Conference it seemed there were many talks saying that it needs to be a priority). Anyways, I went home thinking about things. I was Relief Society President. I had a job that took most of my time outside of school. I knew most of the guys in my ward and had either cancelled them out or I wasn't their type. I couldn't think of very many ways to meet more guys so I could do my part in looking for my #2 in life... So I felt prompted to pay for the membership with eHarmony. I paid for some 3 month deal. But forgot that it automatically would continue to charge me after those 3 months if I failed to cancel it. So I went 3 months with not too much luck. I mean I talked to a lot of great guys, but nothing really came of anything. Then it charged me for the fourth month, and I was a little upset at first and was like, you know what- I felt prompted to pay for it, I'll give it one more month and remember to cancel the paid membership after this month. So I decided to give it another month. That was on June 14th. On June 15th I was matched with a guy named Jon. June 16th (his birthday) I got an email from him (he had figured out my encrypted email). I had forgotten to take my email out, even after paying for the membership. Anyways, we started emailing.

So now, the first jump... His side. He has been in Indiana for school. He's been through a lot over the years but about two years ago he started dating a girl. He dated her for about a year and although he didn't have an answer to marry her, figured if he didn't have a no that he should proceed and move forward and just keep praying. So he got engaged to this girl. He kept praying and June 6th- Fast Sunday, he was fasting about things with this girl. He got a distinct- "You need to be looking in Utah" answer and knew his answer was no with this girl. He had to break it off with her, and shortly after signed up for eHarmony. Then we were matched and he saw my picture and my about me section. Later he told me that besides my picture, what I said concerning the Church was what stuck out to him. Which was funny, because after he contacted me (through email) I looked up his profile and I liked what he said concerning his feelings about the Church. We emailed several times over the summer, getting to know each other. We exchanged phone numbers and texted. In August I ended up in Mexico and that was when we really started talking and he decided he would stay in Utah a few extra days before heading back to Indiana (he's from Utah) so we could meet up when I got back to Utah for school. We planned a date- just one, the second day I was there. I got in Tuesday and things were such a mess that we decided to meet up for lunch on Wednesday. Things went really well. We went to lunch, we went to a movie, he went to drop me back off, but my mom and sister had gone shopping, so we talked outside the freshmen dorms at BYU for about an hour, then he helped carry things up with me, my Mom and my sister. He ended up dropping me off at home, we had a hug good bye. Next day he asked if I wanted to go to dinner to his favorite Mexican place in Sandy. Unfortunately I already had plans- it was my Mom's last night in Provo and we were planning on going to dinner- but my Mom said I could invite him- so I did and he came. So he met my Mom and 2 of my sisters (I have 5 siblings- 4 of those sisters) by our second date. After we went to my place and watched a movie. He invited me out to his house the next day for lunch at his favorite Mexican restaurant. I met his Mom and Dad and one of his brothers (he has 5 siblings, 2 sisters and 3 brothers). Then we hung out at his house afterwards and talked. He left the next morning to head back to school.

We had started moving fast. I had kissed him before he left- partly because I wanted to, partly because my mom told me to. And part of the reason my mom told me to was to make the most of the time and see if it would go anywhere and was worth keeping in contact with him. Funny thing is: (and I haven't told him this, and I don't know if he reads my blog or not) he was a good kisser, but I didn't feel any sparks. My Mom and sisters asked how it was the first time after we kissed and I was like, "eh... he's a good kisser". I knew he knew his stuff, but at the same time, that was how I felt- just eh. I was not sure at all. I mean I knew I liked him still, but I wasn't sure if it was going to work out in the long run. But I kept praying. He left August 28th. Our first date had been on the 25th. On the 31st I was praying. I wanted to know if I should keep dating him. And then, just for the heck of it I decided to try asking if I could marry this guy: overwhelming good feeling that lasted several minutes. The thing is, I got so wrapped up in how good I felt that I forgot what I had been praying about- I couldn't remember if that prayer I had asked about the long run or just about continuing to date him. But the answer... I've had three types of answers in my life. The smaller ones, with promptings here or a small good feelings. Then there have been the dreams, which aren't answers by themselves but somehow I understand that they are meant a certain way and I can find comfort in them. Then the ones like this- an overwhelming feeling of warmth and happiness. The only other time I got an answer like that was concerning serving a mission. I had been praying about it and just at one point I got that feeling and I KNEW I needed to serve and I never doubted after that. The difference this time is, I have my answer, but he still has his agency and could get a different answer. I know there is no one better for me out there. With all his faults he is everything I need and wants to work on things to be better himself. If he does not get a similar answer it just means there is someone else out there for me- not better than this guy, just different, one for whom I am better suited for.

I did not really realize that that was my long term answer until a few months ago- February 12th. My Mom said she thought I already had my answer- so I prayed that if that was my answer (and I knew if I had received my answer that it was the one I received in August) that I would be able to feel reassured of it. Now I know. We still have problems in our relationship- but every relationship will have problems. What matters to me, is he wants to work through them with me, and I still love him through them. Right now they mainly have to do with miscommunications- we've been doing long distance the whole time and still won't live in the same state til this September, but we're continuing to get to know each other. He's learning what I need to feel loved and I'm learning what he needs. So for now there is no big news. In my opinion it could go either way- but it all depends on him. If he wants it, if he gets his answer, then it'll work and someday, maybe soon, I'll have bigger news to share. Right now all I can say is he's still praying about things and part of him wants to live in the same state before committing to more... Which I can kinda understand... So hopefully sometime this fall I'll have exciting news. Right now I just have to have faith that everything will work out, not necessarily how I want it (though I hope so) but it will work out according to what God knows is best for me and will make me the happiest. :)