Phantom

So, I guess it's time for an update with the Phantom boyfriend. I'm going to start a few years back actually and jump around a little but I will try to be clear and I hope you can follow. I assume most of my readers are LDS, or believe in receiving answers to prayers, and with that I will touch on answers to my prayers over the years, and things I've done that I think were following promptings to lead me to where I am today.

So a few years back I dated a guy- I really fell for him. Technically I ended that relationship, but I hadn't wanted it to end, and when reality hit- that it was over, well I became almost zombie like- kinda like how Bella is described in New Moon- but not quite as bad- I don't think. But I was going through the motion of things for a little while. I was praying for comfort. I had thought things would work out with the other guy and I wanted some type of hope that things would work out. Well I had a really weird dream. In my dream I was in the temple, and it was supposed to be my wedding day. The groom never showed and the temple workers (this is the weird part) told me that I wasn't allowed to leave without getting married. My family and I started asking all the single men who had come if they'd marry me. Weird, I know- if I thought I was romantically attached to any other guy, I probably would not have invited them to my wedding to another guy... but anyways, every guy had an excuse- they weren't ready, they weren't sure. I woke up and dismissed it as a weird dream. I continued to pray for comfort that things would work out, and I don't know if the dream was inspired or not, but I felt assured that there was someone out there, but he wasn't ready yet, but he was out there, and one day he'd show up.

I don't know if just one year passed or a few, but time passed nonetheless, and I would try to keep my eyes open for a good guy- the type I was looking for. I was trying not to be too picky, but there were times when people told me I was too picky. I had a height requirement, which I lowered, not sure if that was before or after my dream- but now the requirement is he has to be my same height or taller when I'm wearing flip flops, preferably when I wear my highest heels too, but that second part is no longer a requirement. Before I get to the next part I want to say that over the years I have dabbled in online dating. I have tried almost every LDS singles site- or at least all the old ones and some of the new ones. So online dating wasn't new to me. I had gone on dates with guys and guys always seem to think they're taller than they really are. So I guess I lied a little about my height on my profiles... I'm somewhere in between 5'10 and 5'11, so I just decided to round up so that hopefully if a guy was 5'11 he'd hopefully at least be my same height. As a practice, I would give out my phone number, but I would meet up with people in a public place, away from my car, so if they turned out to be a stalker they couldn't go around Utah looking for where my car was parked, or know where I lived. I also would start praying about a guy before a first date. The first prayer would just be simple- asking if it was safe to meet up with them, and then I'd go based on feelings. Anyways, when it's late at night I do things that are slightly more spontaneous for me, and almost out of character. It was one of these nights that I signed up for an account on eHarmony- just to see what it was like. I saw the commercial on tv and figured, what the heck, I've tried other dating sites, might as well see what this one is like. I found I loved the way it was set up- you rate your priorities, and one of them lets you choose religion as necessary and you can pick Christian, and then specific denominations pop up. I don't know if I clicked Mormon or LDS, but I clicked the equivalent, and everyone I was paired up with was LDS- so I loved the site. It did initial matchings and then you could scan through those profiles and decide who to talk to.

For a while I chose not to pay for a membership- which meant I couldn't see any pictures (so I also chose not to upload any pictures, so we'd be on even terms). Also I could only communicate on free weekends, and hope they'd respond in time to get a few things back and forth. They obviously want you to sign up for their service so if they find you've posted your email or another way to contact you, they take your profile down, but I found a way to encrypt it in there- some guys figured it out, and others I had to wait til I got to what's called "open communication" before I could send them my email address. Well that leads me to my next answer.

One Monday night we had FHE (Family Home Evening- which is a little different in singles wards) but we had it at our Stake President's House with a message from them. I actually can't remember his name but I can still picture his face. He talked about priorities. He talked about how God should be #1, and #2 should be our spouse. If our spouse is supposed to be #2, then if we are unmarried, we should make it a priority to FIND our #2 in life. That struck out to me (and it kinda makes me laugh to think that in this past General Conference it seemed there were many talks saying that it needs to be a priority). Anyways, I went home thinking about things. I was Relief Society President. I had a job that took most of my time outside of school. I knew most of the guys in my ward and had either cancelled them out or I wasn't their type. I couldn't think of very many ways to meet more guys so I could do my part in looking for my #2 in life... So I felt prompted to pay for the membership with eHarmony. I paid for some 3 month deal. But forgot that it automatically would continue to charge me after those 3 months if I failed to cancel it. So I went 3 months with not too much luck. I mean I talked to a lot of great guys, but nothing really came of anything. Then it charged me for the fourth month, and I was a little upset at first and was like, you know what- I felt prompted to pay for it, I'll give it one more month and remember to cancel the paid membership after this month. So I decided to give it another month. That was on June 14th. On June 15th I was matched with a guy named Jon. June 16th (his birthday) I got an email from him (he had figured out my encrypted email). I had forgotten to take my email out, even after paying for the membership. Anyways, we started emailing.

So now, the first jump... His side. He has been in Indiana for school. He's been through a lot over the years but about two years ago he started dating a girl. He dated her for about a year and although he didn't have an answer to marry her, figured if he didn't have a no that he should proceed and move forward and just keep praying. So he got engaged to this girl. He kept praying and June 6th- Fast Sunday, he was fasting about things with this girl. He got a distinct- "You need to be looking in Utah" answer and knew his answer was no with this girl. He had to break it off with her, and shortly after signed up for eHarmony. Then we were matched and he saw my picture and my about me section. Later he told me that besides my picture, what I said concerning the Church was what stuck out to him. Which was funny, because after he contacted me (through email) I looked up his profile and I liked what he said concerning his feelings about the Church. We emailed several times over the summer, getting to know each other. We exchanged phone numbers and texted. In August I ended up in Mexico and that was when we really started talking and he decided he would stay in Utah a few extra days before heading back to Indiana (he's from Utah) so we could meet up when I got back to Utah for school. We planned a date- just one, the second day I was there. I got in Tuesday and things were such a mess that we decided to meet up for lunch on Wednesday. Things went really well. We went to lunch, we went to a movie, he went to drop me back off, but my mom and sister had gone shopping, so we talked outside the freshmen dorms at BYU for about an hour, then he helped carry things up with me, my Mom and my sister. He ended up dropping me off at home, we had a hug good bye. Next day he asked if I wanted to go to dinner to his favorite Mexican place in Sandy. Unfortunately I already had plans- it was my Mom's last night in Provo and we were planning on going to dinner- but my Mom said I could invite him- so I did and he came. So he met my Mom and 2 of my sisters (I have 5 siblings- 4 of those sisters) by our second date. After we went to my place and watched a movie. He invited me out to his house the next day for lunch at his favorite Mexican restaurant. I met his Mom and Dad and one of his brothers (he has 5 siblings, 2 sisters and 3 brothers). Then we hung out at his house afterwards and talked. He left the next morning to head back to school.

We had started moving fast. I had kissed him before he left- partly because I wanted to, partly because my mom told me to. And part of the reason my mom told me to was to make the most of the time and see if it would go anywhere and was worth keeping in contact with him. Funny thing is: (and I haven't told him this, and I don't know if he reads my blog or not) he was a good kisser, but I didn't feel any sparks. My Mom and sisters asked how it was the first time after we kissed and I was like, "eh... he's a good kisser". I knew he knew his stuff, but at the same time, that was how I felt- just eh. I was not sure at all. I mean I knew I liked him still, but I wasn't sure if it was going to work out in the long run. But I kept praying. He left August 28th. Our first date had been on the 25th. On the 31st I was praying. I wanted to know if I should keep dating him. And then, just for the heck of it I decided to try asking if I could marry this guy: overwhelming good feeling that lasted several minutes. The thing is, I got so wrapped up in how good I felt that I forgot what I had been praying about- I couldn't remember if that prayer I had asked about the long run or just about continuing to date him. But the answer... I've had three types of answers in my life. The smaller ones, with promptings here or a small good feelings. Then there have been the dreams, which aren't answers by themselves but somehow I understand that they are meant a certain way and I can find comfort in them. Then the ones like this- an overwhelming feeling of warmth and happiness. The only other time I got an answer like that was concerning serving a mission. I had been praying about it and just at one point I got that feeling and I KNEW I needed to serve and I never doubted after that. The difference this time is, I have my answer, but he still has his agency and could get a different answer. I know there is no one better for me out there. With all his faults he is everything I need and wants to work on things to be better himself. If he does not get a similar answer it just means there is someone else out there for me- not better than this guy, just different, one for whom I am better suited for.

I did not really realize that that was my long term answer until a few months ago- February 12th. My Mom said she thought I already had my answer- so I prayed that if that was my answer (and I knew if I had received my answer that it was the one I received in August) that I would be able to feel reassured of it. Now I know. We still have problems in our relationship- but every relationship will have problems. What matters to me, is he wants to work through them with me, and I still love him through them. Right now they mainly have to do with miscommunications- we've been doing long distance the whole time and still won't live in the same state til this September, but we're continuing to get to know each other. He's learning what I need to feel loved and I'm learning what he needs. So for now there is no big news. In my opinion it could go either way- but it all depends on him. If he wants it, if he gets his answer, then it'll work and someday, maybe soon, I'll have bigger news to share. Right now all I can say is he's still praying about things and part of him wants to live in the same state before committing to more... Which I can kinda understand... So hopefully sometime this fall I'll have exciting news. Right now I just have to have faith that everything will work out, not necessarily how I want it (though I hope so) but it will work out according to what God knows is best for me and will make me the happiest. :)

Phantom updates- flying Delta

So a lot really. Back in December we started officially dating. My Mom was confused as to what that meant. Before when I flew out to Indiana we were dating, meaning going on dates, and we liked each other, but not exclusively dating just the other person. So December we became boyfriend/girlfriend. :) He came home with me the first week of Christmas break and then flew back in time for Christmas with his family and then I flew back up to Utah a few days after Christmas and spent New Years Eve with him at his family party. Which was fun. I'm sure there would be a lot to blog about with that, and also Thanksgiving I guess I saw him too, but I want to focus on more recently. A few weeks ago he was performing in an Opera at his University, so I was flying out to see him in it and as it turned out, his Mom wanted to go that weekend too, so we made sure we got the same flight. I was REALLY looking forward to seeing him. But the day I was supposed to fly out I had a lot to do.

I woke up making sure I had everything packed, and ran a few errands. I was running a little late- because his Mom wanted to leave at a certain time from their house (that's where I was meeting her so we both didn't have to drive to the airport) and I was planning on leaving even earlier just to make sure. Well because I was running late I didn't end up leaving Provo when I wanted to. But I still had enough time to make it there by the time she wanted to leave their house for the airport.... except I ran into traffic- 3 times. The first time was because of an accident that I passed. Then that cleared up and then I ran into traffic for construction. That cleared up and then I hit traffic AGAIN. You know when you get to the point where it starts clearing up and you're looking for the reason traffic was stopped? It was a policeman who had his lights on and had pulled over and was talking to a man with a dog on the freeway. REALLY?! I realize a man probably should not be walking his dog on the freeway or whatever happened- but that's what people were stopped for?! So I was late getting to their house.

Then I get there and realize Phantom's Dad (who was originally driving us to the airport) had to work and so Phantom's Mom had asked her parents to drive us. No big deal. Or so we thought.... Apparently she's getting a little too old to drive on the freeway- and when I say that I don't mean she was completely an unsafe driver but driving over 45 mph made her nervous- and the speed limit is 65... and we were short on time. She got nervous when we got to the interchange and she ended up getting on a different freeway (also not a huge deal, because you can get to the airport from both the 215 and the 15, but it would've been easier for her to STAY on the 215). Overall, it took us a really long time to get to the airport considering it was only a short distance away.

Then my boarding pass and checking in. I had a problem checking in. There was no line to talk to one of the people who work at the desk but they told me they couldn't help me and I had to call some number. Their call service is NOT very efficient- WORST phone system EVER. I pressed a number to talk to someone and still had to press buttons for other options for 5 minutes before they connected me to someone who asked the SAME questions again, I just didn't have to press buttons this time because there was a person on the other end now... LAME! Anyways, it took like 10-15 minutes to check my bag.

Then we got up to security. The line seemed long so we talked to the guy there and told him our flight left soon- I think we had 30 minutes at that time... He told us we couldn't cut, because the line would only take 20 minutes... Well we hadn't gotten half way through in 10 minutes and started talking to other people in line. A lot of people in line with us had flights leaving within 5-10 minutes of our own- so they were in the same boat. We did find a few people though who had an hour before their flight who let some of us cut in front of them. Didn't help enough. Then actual security found some problem with Phantom's Mom's bag. That's fine- they usually take it and run it through again- but they normally do it right away. They held on to it for what seemed like forever and let a few other people pass before putting it through again. It was just kinda annoying.

Running to the gate... Yep- our gate was the farthest from the security point. We did our best to run as fast as we could. I tried to help carry her bag so she could go faster too. And we got to the gate and I could see the lady closing the door. I asked and practically begged her to just open the gate and call back the plane or something- I think the flight was supposed to leave at 4:30- but whatever the time was, it was two minutes before whatever time it was supposed to leave. So they told us we had to go almost all the way back to security to these phones where we could call about rescheduling our flight.

So I called- the SAME INEFFICIENT phone system as before. I finally got some lady. She was very helpful at first and then told me it was going to cost me $600. So I asked her what she could do for me, she said nothing, and so I asked to be transferred to someone who could help me. She just repeated that she couldn't do anything. I was like, look, this is what happened... related most of the story I wrote above and asked her if she felt paying $600 to rebook a flight I'd already spent $400 on seemed ridiculous to her. She said it did, so I said, then can you please transfer me to someone who IS allowed to do something more. Still she resisted and I started getting frustrated. I said, look, you claim you don't know who to transfer me to, but I know you know your boss. You work for someone, and if they can't help me then they should know someone or know someone who knows someone who can help. It took a lot of convincing before she transferred me. So then I talked to this other gal who looked up when I checked in my bag. She claimed she couldn't do anything because my bag was checked like 2 minutes after the 40 minutes before the flight or something? I told her it was because I had problems with the phone system and the person standing there at the desk with nothing to do didn't help me and that on top of that, my bag MADE the flight and I made it to the gate before the scheduled time. So she looked that up and was like, you're right, it left 2 minutes early. So what does she do? She "knocks off" the transfer price and brings it down to $500 and something... I still thought that was ridiculous and meanwhile Phantom's Mom is on the phone with her husband and he had gotten online and found tickets on the SAME flight she was offering to put us on for over $500 a person for $300 a person. RIDICULOUS! Buying a whole new ticket is cheaper than working with their customer service and getting a "deal". So we didn't take that deal. Then Phantom called me and asked how I was and I almost broke down crying. Ok I did cry, but I kept myself from sobbing. I did NOT want to miss my flight. I hate HAVING to talk to people on the phone. I hate dealing with problems- well ones like these anyways. And all I wanted at the moment was a REAL hug from Phantom which I couldn't get because I MISSED my stinking flight. Well we bought the tickets that left the following day. We eventually made it and the rest of the time was great! Things are going well and he got to meet my brother just last week too :) So those are the updates for now.

Updates- Phantom

So.. it's been a long time since I've blogged about anything recent, so here goes. The biggest update has to do with a boy. :) There's nothing official, but I do like him a lot. So here's the scoop on him. He's a great guy from Sandy, Utah. He served his mission in my home mission, Spanish speaking- but never served in my stake. He's currently getting his doctorate in Classical Vocal Performance- or at least that's what I think it is- he's an Opera singer- a tenor, and he's getting a doctorate so he can teach it at a University level as a back up to performing.

He's a great guy with similar standards within the Church to mine. There are many people who have different standards on things, even within the Church and he seems to agree with most of all my personal beliefs which is one of the biggest reasons I decided to start liking him. How we met- well I actually had a membership to eHarmony, and I'm laughing as I write this because although I knowingly signed up for the membership I never actually thought it would work or help me find anyone. So side tangent for that...

I have been known for being impulsive, especially when it's late at night and I'm sleep deprived. It was one of these nights when I just decided I would make a profile on eHarmony and see what it was about. I have done online dating services in the past and I feel I am pretty safe with meeting up with people. I don't give out personal information, even when they pick me up- I don't give them my address or let them see my car so they can't stalk me that way. Just wanted to assure any readers who might have doubts about online dating that I am safe about it. Anyways, I went to a Family Home Evening last spring with my Stake Presidency. One of the counselors mentioned priorities. He didn't say anything new at first. God is our number one priority- why? Because we trust that He really does love us and that by putting Him first He will then help us with everything else in life. #2 priority- is our spouse. Why? Because we choose someone we want to be with that we feel we can trust to help us with everything else in our lives. This was the part he mentioned that hit me. If our #2 priority is our spouse- then shouldn't finding that #2 be at least a top priority? So I went home and thought about it and felt I didn't have time in my life right then to really meet more people. So, I decided to pay for the membership with eHarmony and was determined to let IT do the finding for me, so that I just had to be myself, respond and sift through the options. So then Phantom (as my roommates call him) contacted me. Before I had bought my membership I had encrypted one of my emails into the message so people could contact me without me having to pay. So Phantom did that, and we started talking.

That was the beginning of summer. We emailed back and forth sporadically and then started texting almost every day, but mainly small talk stuff. With online dating and all the stuff you can do, I determine not to actually let myself like them until I meet them in person. Well, the summer went by and right before school started I got back to Utah and he had stayed so we would be able to meet up. So we did. The first time he picked me up at the dorms and we went to lunch and then a movie. Then we talked outside for a bit and then he ended up meeting my mom and one of my sisters. My Mom didn't realize this was the first time I had met him and treated him like an old friend. Later she was mortified she had been so open with him, but Phantom didn't seem to mind. When he left we talked about seeing each other again on Friday before he left Saturday morning and I consented to driving up to Sandy so he didn't have to drive all the way down again. But as it turned out, he invited me to dinner on Thursday with his family and I had to decline saying I was having dinner with my mom and sisters before my Mom flew back home, but said he was invited to come with us. So he came to dinner with me, my Mom and two of my sisters. On Friday I drove up to his house and we went to lunch with his family- or his parents and one brother anyways. After each of the dinners both Thursday and Friday we had time to talk and get to know each other better. We did kiss before he left. But honestly I still wasn't sure how I felt about him. Tuesday after he left I felt like I was doing the right thing. Whether it is right to date him for now, or what, I don't know, but all I know is, that was the changing day for me. Still there's nothing official but I know how much I like him and it's definitely more than your average crush. :)

So this past weekend I had bought a plane ticket to fly to Indiana- where he is currently going to school. Thursday I started getting sick and then I didn't get much sleep that night on the plane- so it was a nice, slow, casual, comfortable weekend. :) I had a ton of fun and it was just nice to be there.

Saturday we spent walking around a small town outside of Bloomington, Indiana which was really fun. :) A lot of cute little shops. :) Then Sunday- that was my favorite day. :) In the morning I woke up and briefly talked to the girl I was staying with before heading upstairs. We had a little time before he left for an audition he had for the next Opera season. When he left I started getting ready for church. Then when he came home we had breakfast and then had a few hours before church. It was just a nice relaxing day. We went to church and because the Church makes it such a small ward, I actually knew one person in his singles' branch. He had been in my stake here in Provo til apparently just last month when he started at IU for grad school. But that was nice too. We left Sunday School early because he had another audition in Cincinnati- 2 1/2 hours away. It was kind of nice having a long drive together. Then his audition. Afterwards, we had originally planned on having a picnic at a nearby park, since it was Sunday- but plans changed when we realized how SHADY the area was. It was a drug infested, creepy area... not where you'd really want to stop to have a nice Sunday picnic... So we looked up a restaurant to go to and I found a Cajun one that happened to be across the river in Kentucky- so first time to Kentucky! Anyways, it was a nice little restaurant. :) We ate up on the rooftop terrace where they had a live jazz band and a GORGEOUS view of Cincinnati. The whole evening was very nice and just comfortable. I know I'm using that word a lot, but it really is the best description.. :) Then the drive home. he makes me laugh and I'm able to be myself with him and open. At one point on the way home I was getting sleepy so I was like, "Tell me a story or something so I don't fall asleep." So this was his story.. "Once upon a time, there was a Princess named Jamie. She had many princess sisters and a prince brother. They all lived together in a castle. And the Princess lived Happily Ever After." I was like, "That's boring! Happily ever after? All by herself?" So he responded with, "She's not by herself! She has all her princess sisters and a prince brother!" And I was like, "What about Prince Charming?" And he's like, "Well she has her prince brother, and I'm sure he's sometimes charming..." And I was like, "EW! That's like incest!" And he feigned shock, "Incest?! What?! They're family and they're just living in the same castle!" Anyways, it made me laugh.

So that's my Phantom. Not my boyfriend- nothing that official. We are dating, and we both like each other a lot but that's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more updates another time though, but that's it for now :)

Headaches of moving

So I've been notified by a close friend that it's been a long time since my last post. Well, today I'm actually going to write about a recent occurence that makes me feel frustrated, tired, loved and grateful, almost all at exactly the same time.

The thing is, I spent a GLORIOUS 10 days in Mexico and arrived home to find complete chaos concerning moving apartments. I had planned to do so on arriving back in Utah and found out it was supposed to happen before I could get back TO Utah, and the penalty is $100/day. A few things that you should know about me to understand the stress it created for me: I hate asking for help- I like thinking I'm self-sufficient, and I like to be the one who helps, not the one who imposes on other people. I hate making phone calls (I like keeping in contact with people, but something about sitting down and MAKING a phone call? I will avoid it like the plague.) Oh and I don't like confrontations, I would rather let people walk all over me before I cause a problem by over-reacting in anger. I used to have a temper, so more often than not I bite my tongue and let people do whatever. So yesterday I had to address this problem of moving quickly without even being physically present and able to. It's break time for Utah- which means a lot of people are out of town. And my closest guy friends have all left Utah. Course when I say that I mean my freshmen group of guy friends- but as I sat down and started making phone calls and sending out mass text messages petitioning for help I started realizing I have a lot of great guy friends who are all still there for me. I know some of them did it because they are just GREAT, to say the least, not necessarily because of anything I am or have done. But I would hope that they all know that I am severely indebted to all of them and would be willing to drop things at a moments' notice and help them as well. The problems yesterday took just about all day. And when I say that, I mean from 9 am to 10 pm, and the problems are still not completely solved even now as I write this. To top all of this, my last day of my vacation- I got sick, and so I still was a bit out of it yesterday and it did not put me in a great mood and by night I was pretty near delirious.

Needless to say, since the problems are still not completely solved, I don't feel like I can tell the full story yet, and it still is a little hard for me to put into words, but to briefly describe the problems I had to ask permission from my new landlord to move in early at my new place that I was moving to. I got permission there, and then there was a problem with the code on the door being changed without being notified, even though I had permission to have it and move in. I solved that problem and another one arose. I would solve that problem and a problem that had been solved would be changed. At one point, JUST as I started feeling relief that the amazing guys had moved my stuff or were finishing up, my landlord called and said, "Sorry, there's a problem, you can't move in afterall." I literally, almost just sat down and cried. Instead I asked her what I could do to change it, because obviously my stuff was at least already mostly moved over. Anyways, I am VERY VERY thankful for the guys who, last minute, came to my rescue. Quite literally. And even though I don't think any of them read my blog, I want to thank them publically- THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

Valentine's Day

This post is a little late- I meant to post it on Valentine's Day when I was reminded of this story. It shows how weird I really am- I didn't even fully realize it. This year for Valentine's Day I went home to California- it was my mom's birthday on the 13th and it was a great trip overall. I went to church on Sunday- Valentine's Day and ran into an ex. I never called him an ex because I never called him my boyfriend, but we dated, for a few weeks and I did have to go through the whole breaking his heart routine. Well, he approached me saying, "hey it seems like it's been a while since last time we talked..." I said, "Yeah... you deleted me from facebook!" Blunt, just like that- that's how we are- and sometimes it leads to us being in a fight- which was part of the reason he deleted me apparently. But anyways, later that night he sent me a text saying two years ago (to the day) we had dinner. I wasn't feeling well so we stayed home and we made tortellini (my favorite) with pesto sauce and bread (of course) and then we made sugar cookies. Then he reminded me, which I had completely forgotten that I apparently went through the contacts in my phone and started telling stories about the people in my phone. WHO DOES THAT?! Apparently I do. I don't know how I got onto a topic like that, but he assured me it was entertaining- I'm still not so sure. I mean I know I love to talk and I guess I was just going from person to person telling stories- favorite memories of the people or how I met them- something about a good half of the contacts in my phone. Anyways, that's my story. Point is: I'm weird. REALLY weird. Go figure! :)

Surprises!

So this past Sunday I was talking with some friends and we started talking about how great a trip to California would be for our long weekend! We got excited and I started planning starting with talking to my parents about it. My parents gave the ok and my Dad asked several questions- if Mom knew, if my sister was going to join me, what the reason was.... I said, no probably not- I had previously brought it up and she said they didn't get school off (but I don't know why she cared- she only has class Tuesday through Thursday...) Anyways, I said I'd ask again. Well she said yes and so we decided that since Mom knew I was coming and it was her birthday- we would at least surprise her by not telling her Carly was coming. So we started planning. My Mom tried talking me out of it. The other people ended up not making it for various reasons, and we found substitutes who ALSO had to decline in the end. At one point my Mom was talking to Carly- we have a Valentine's Day tradition: we write love notes to each other. My Mom was reminding Carly to do hers and she asked how we were going to do it this year. My brother sent his early in an email and we'll send him the responses on Monday through email. And my Mom said she'd conference call me and Carly. Then she called back and was like, actually, I should probably tell you- Jamie is coming down for the weekend if you want to come. To which Carly said, "No, I think that's dumb to spend that much time in a car just for the weekend." But she had already said yes. I only told my Dad that Carly was coming, and although I told other people I was coming home I didn't mention Carly. Carly told Katie though- and I personally am surprised she kept that secret.

So our journey- we took off from Provo after I got off work on Friday. My Dad texted and said that Mom was going to call me and that Carly needed to be quiet and if she asked for names of people driving with me- to make them up. So my Mom called and Carly was silent. It went well. My Mom didn't ask for names- instead she asked where they were all going- if we were dropping them off or if any were spending the night, being picked up from somewhere.... So I was like, "Yeah, I'm dropping two of them off cause they're on the way, but the third one is from Santa Barbara (one of the places one of the original people was from) and his parents are just planning on picking him up from our house when we get there." Apparently my Mom bought it. I got a text a few minutes later that said, "WOW. Jamie's such a liar." I was like, weren't we supposed to?

So, we continued driving and then we got into the neighborhood and we pulled off onto a side street. At Katie's suggestion, we put Carly in the trunk- she curled around the back side of her suitcase and was holding onto mine. We drove the rest of the way home and I called to tell my Dad I needed help with luggage and Mom needed to help too. When my Mom came out she was like, "Really? You need help with your luggage? What did you bring?" I just said junk. So I popped the trunk and we walked around to the back. I lifted the lid and my Mom screamed. All you could really see was Carly's head above the suitcase. I didn't REALLY need help with my luggage- we just wanted to surprise her. :) My Mom said she was happy she was home- but had been thinking Carly was the smart child for NOT coming home. :)

So that left Cassie and Julie who still didn't know Carly was home- because there was a cousin sleepover at Grandma's. So Carly and I decided we would go. Cassie called to say she was there and safe, for my parents' benefit and I said for her to let me in when I got there. Carly asked if she should go around back, and I said yes (there was only a slight problem- I meant around the back of the car and then just sneak into the house after me. She thought I meant back yard.) So we went inside and I'm waiting for Carly to come in the front door which Katie and I left unlocked. Sam came running out of the kitchen and I asked what he was up to. He said he just thought he heard knocking- so I went out in the garage and tried to whisper to Carly that the front door was open- but she couldn't hear me- wrong side of the house. I came back inside and Sam had fallen to the ground, hiding from any view of a window. I asked what was going on- he had just about everyone else crouched on the ground with him. He said, "Someone's outside! It looks like Carly but she looks like this!" (Then he pulled his eyes out- asian style- you know what I mean) It didn't click for him because he thought Carly was in Idaho. Then Carly popped against the window really quickly. Everyone heard it, but I think I was the only one who saw it. Cassie asked if Carly was there and I said "No, I thought she was still in Idaho but I DID see someone against the window." Meanwhile Katie and I are headed to the door that leads from the backyard into the kitchen. Later Cassie said she thought we were retarded- "We had seen some random crazy person outside and we're just CALMLY walking to the door to let the complete stranger in." Katie lets her in and Carly jumps in saying "SURPRISE!!!" Katie and I start busting out laughing and once Cassie and Sam realized what was going on, they joined in too.

So we spent the night and the next morning I woke up and went to go see Marissa and Emily and Grandma- who were all asleep when I had gotten there. Marissa decided to play shy and then ran down the hall saying "SCARY!" When she came back I asked if I was scary cause I didn't have makeup on. She said no, and i was like, "Oh, cause I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and I got scared- I would've run away, if it were possible". She laughed.

So this started my wondrous morning- followed by a cousin breakfast at Eggs and Things with Grandma. My Grandpa approves of my new major- he says no matter what I do, writing skills will help. "Even an accountant should know how to write".

After cousin breakfast we came home briefly before getting ready for the beach. We went as an individual family- Mom, Dad and sisters to Leo Carillo and climbed all the rocks. (Little trivia: 50 First Dates was filmed mainly in Hawaii- with the exception of ONE scene, filmed at Leo Carillo when we were there camping with some family friends. My Mom had been walking back from the beach when a friendly man "waved at [her] as if [she] should know him." It was Adam Sandler- with his dog in the back seat. We went back and watched part of the long process. We probably stayed for over 2 hours combined- for a mere 30 seconds to a minute of the movie...) Walked through the tunnels- or crouched through one of them. We took pictures, ran from the waves, checked out the tide pools and saw SO MANY starfish! Among other things- but we were surprised at the amount of starfish specifically. Such a lovely drive- Kanan on the way there and Decker Canyon on the way back. I LOVE being home!! "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"

And the day's not over yet- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Three Little Pigs

So today while working we were playing Three Little Pigs. I always know they want to play because Karissa will yell, "A PIG is coming! A PIG is coming!" And I go, "A WOLF is coming?" "YEAH!" And then she'll run into the play house downstairs. So then we go through the role play of the story of the Three Little Pigs.

Today Kaden wasn't playing along- so he got eaten first- no need to blow down the first house of straw. Then the second house (we use the same house all three times, but we open the door to pretend to let the little pigs running away from the wolf in) went smoothly. Blew it down and they had to run again from the big bad wolf. So the little pigs went running, "Brother! Brother! Brother! The big bad wolf is coming! Let us in!" So we enter and I leave again to be the wolf. *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* "Little pigs little pigs, let me come in" I say in a deep gruff voice. Then I reply (they don't have it down yet) in a high squeaky voice, "Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins!" "Then I'll HUFF and I'll PUFF and I'll BLOW your house DOWN!"

So then I start blowing. Through the windows and the holes in the door. I blow from all sides of the house... I went to the side window and a new and unexpected thing happened today... Keyana escaped! Before the Wolf was dead! So I had to chase her down and eat her too. But Karissa had to save her sister from the big bad wolf and came to the rescue. I ate Keyana with not too many problems and she continued walking over to play with Kaden but Karissa was now seeking revenge attempting to eat the big bad wolf before I ate her too. I told her she didn't have wolf teeth like mine! So her solution? SHE LICKED ME TO DEATH! So the lone surviving pig defeated the wolf today! That was quite the adventure! :)

Scooter Boy

Back to the good old stories of my life... :) My sister is in town and we have been hanging out, seeing movies- everything we can. Last night we were going to see a movie and she invited a friend, so we went to pick her up and she lives in the same complex and same building that I lived in years ago. I got talking to them and reminiscing about when I lived there and was reminded of this story. :)

Once upon a time I moved into Liberty Square, the Virginia building to be precise. We had a whole group that all wanted to live together and Virginia allowed all 6 of us to live together for a pretty good price. We all moved in and one of our roommates was attending Beauty School and didn't start school until a week after the rest of us. So the first week she was REALLY bored when we all left for school. I returned home one afternoon to find her telling another roommate about her "adventures" of the day. They consisted of sitting in one of our rooms that faced the street and watching all the people walk to and from school. JUST watching. She was telling us of this guy who, from what she could tell from a distance, was REALLY cute! She referred to him as scooter boy and he had a blue or red scooter- I can't remember which color exactly. But she had seen two guys on scooters that day, one had a red one, the other one had a blue one. Let's say the one with the blue one was the cute one. She jokingly said that she wanted scooter boy.

SO, brilliant as I am, I jumped up, as if I was bored and had just remembered something else I needed to do and left the room. I returned with some dry erase markers and proceeded to write on the window in that room that faced the street. I wrote backwards so people on the street could read it and I made the lettering bold too. I wrote, "Scooter boy we want you! Call us at:" I put the apartment phone number on there, because this was back in the day that apartments all had phones in them because cell phones weren't quite big enough to get rid of the apt phone. Then I proceeded to write all of our nicknames on the window.

Well, that year was fun and we got SEVERAL calls from random guys saying, "Hey, this is scooter boy, I'm calling to talk to..." and he'd give one of the nicknames on the window. Or "Hey this is scooter boy, who am I speaking to?" I don't know is any of us went on any dates with any of the guys who called, but we met most of them. I mean, it's not hard to figure out which apartment that window belonged to. We met a lot of people that year and had lots of fun. But we never met scooter boy or saw that scooter after the first week.

Well, at the end of the school year I packed my things and headed home. My first Sunday back we had a regional Single Adult combined church meeting out in Ventura. I went with my cousin and we ended up sitting next to two guys. One of them mentioned he was just there for the summer for summer sales and had just come home from Provo. So I asked where he had lived. Well we had both lived in Liberty Square and we asked which buildings we lived in. He found out I lived in Virginia and he asked if I knew the people in the top apt on the south side, so I said of course- they were all in my ward, after all. Then I asked why? So he tells me that they had written on their window something about "We want you Scooter Boy" and proceeds to tell me that he had a scooter at the beginning of the year but then sold it because it cost too much to keep. He had never called the number but had always wondered if it was him. So I asked, "What color was your scooter?" He said, "Blue." I started laughing and when I stopped for a second I said, "Hi, I'm J$$$ (we had already introduced ourselves) and that was my apartment, and you're Scooter Boy!"

Anyways, so I met Scooter Boy, and we exchanged numbers because he was in the area all summer. We had talked about hanging out at the beach or getting a group together to play halo, but I never actually saw him again, nor do I think either one of us texted the other one. But that's my story of Scooter Boy and how I finally met him! :)

Mouse/Rat Story

So today I went to work, for any who doesn't know, I help out with 3 kids (mainly 3 kids sometimes there's more). Today when I got there in the morning, everything was in disarray. There were kids standing on chairs and yelling and screaming, and TayLynn was on top of the kitchen counter. All happening when they should've been getting dressed and ready for school and eating breakfast. The story was- there was a mouse. It had been spotted that morning and everyone was afraid of it. It had supposedly ran under the refrigerator, last anyone had seen it and they were afraid of it jumping out at them. The mom went out to buy mouse traps- supposedly there are new ones that can be reused. She bought them, and I cleaned the living room, under the couches and vacuumed. It looked so pretty when I finished, and then I put one of the new mouse traps under part of the sectional couch. I never saw the mouse today. But I did play along with the kids. Ones of them mentioned seeing the mouse and I pretended to act all afraid. Kiana then came to me and comfortingly put her hand on my leg (it's where she could reach) and said, "It's ok, it's not scary. It's Janessa's mouse." Not true. Janessa is her older sister and is just one of those types that would never have a mouse.

The whole incident reminded me of a story that happened to me when I was still very little. I say very little because I think I was only about 8. I woke up in the middle of the night, one night and was lying on my back. I noticed a lump on my stomach/chest area. I figured it was a clump of blankets but it wouldn't pat down. I then lifted up the blanket expecting to find a stuffed animal or something, but to my surprise there was a rat, in my bed, on top of me. I freaked out and went running to my parents room down the hall telling them there was a rat in my bed. They came back and checked and couldn't find it. They left, but I was convinced it was still there. I turned on my lights and proceeded to look in my closet and behind things, and finally underneath my bed, where he was in the corner looking at me. I ran back to my parents room and had them look underneath my bed, but by then he had disappeared altogether. So basically, I woke up with a rat on me, but no one else ever saw it.

"Hank"

So this is a sadder post. Yesterday I was driving to a doctor's appointment. I noticed on my way there that my RPMs were out of control... My car was working hard and not even going the speed limit- and I wasn't going uphill. I'm not very smart with stuff about cars but I knew something was up. I put my hazards on and moved to the slow lane and tried to keep it under 2 RPMs- which helped me go like 15 mph in a 50 mph zone. Then I hit a stop light and as I was passing through my RPMs just dropped to zero and I couldn't hit any gas at all anymore. I wasn't running on empty. I pulled over and called the doctor's office to cancel my appointment. Then I called my sister- the plan was to call AAA, but then I figured I'd try turning off my car and giving it a rest and turning it back on. It worked. But there was an awful knocking noise now- brand new. Great. I thought about driving home and opted on taking it in instead. I started heading back towards downtown Provo and called my Dad. I took it to Smith's Garage- they've helped me out before. He said he'd look at it and today I called and got the diagnosis. The motor is in really bad condition and needs to be replaced and there is some leak in the oil- which caused the knocking noise. I was running on almost no oil- weird cause I got that looked at the first week of December. But I guess when there's a leak I guess it DOES vanish quicker. So it costs too much to fix my car, Henry, or as my friend Scotti refers to him- "Hank", and so Hank is as good as dead- we're going to have to put him out of his misery. I NEVER referred to my car as Hank til now- but for some reason it feels right. So this post is "Hank's" obituary.

I've known Hank his whole life, and my whole driving life. Yes I was "one of those spoiled rotten kids". I had my permit and knew that I would get a car. The deal in my family was, straight A's got you a car, as much as my parents could afford, and for every grade below you got a lower and lower price range. I had straight A's though and so I got my pick. We looked at different cars- the Honda Civic and Accord and the Infiniti G20 were our top picks. The reasons for picking the Infiniti G20- it had leather seats, whereas the Hondas you had to upgrade to get the leather. The Infiniti had a sun/moon roof the Honda did not. The Infiniti had a tape player AND a cd player. The Honda had a tape player but you had to upgrade for a cd player. The Infiniti had keyless entry. AND my little sisters' favorite- the back seats folded down into the trunk. The models we were looking at with Honda did not. To top it all off, it was $2,000 cheaper than either of the Hondas. (Course it didn't end up being cheaper- I'll explain later). I decided on the color red. So it was set- or so I thought. Then one day my Dad tells me they only had made 2 red cars in the whole state of CA and they were both already sold. So we went back to the lot and I decided on blue- dark blue.

The day of my birthday came and we were getting ready to go to dinner (a family tradition- on your birthday you get to choose where we eat, or when we couldn't afford it, we got to choose what my Mom made for dinner) and my Dad tells me, the blue cars have all been sold, let's stop by the dealer on the way to dinner and you can pick out another color. I had already seen the other colors- I didn't really like them in comparison. I mean I was happy to just be getting a car but if I couldn't have the color I wanted- why force me to waste time deciding between colors I don't care about? So I asked, "What about the blue car that was on the lot?" Apparently someone else had bought it for their daughter- probably a similar case. So I was dragged to the dealership once again and was NOT ecstatic. Couldn't they just pick another color? I didn't care. And I don't like shopping- not for cars, or clothes anyways and other stuff like that. We walked through the front and then the guy who had been helping us throughout the whole experience said there were more in the back. We walked to the back and there is a blue car with balloons on it, and I'm thinking- lucky girl, she got the last blue car. We're walking and I'm following the guy and my Dad goes, "What do you think of that blue car?" I'm getting really annoyed with my Dad- he's making me choose another color when I told him I don't have a preference anymore and now he's rubbing it in. So without turning around to look at my Dad I'm like, "It's great Dad, it's the color I wanted." And he goes, "Yeah, but what do you think of it?" I really was not in the mood to have anything rubbed in (this shows how spoiled I am, or how much I hate being forced to choose when I don't have a preference, not sure which one it shows more). I turned around, I don't know what I was going to say, but I saw my Dad looking at me.... with a video camera. And it sunk in. The car was mine. I was like, "I thought the one on the lot had been sold?" To make a long story short, it had been, the story I heard was accurate, this car was slightly different, it was a G20t, the t made all the difference in the world. It bumped up the price, which my Dad paid. And the guy who had been helping us had driven it up from San Diego just that morning. There were only 2 cars left when my Dad bought this one, the other one was in San Francisco area. The t meant it had a turbo engine and "European style headrests" and something different about the tires. So thus began mine and Hank's journey.

We had many good memories in that car. Driving my sisters around, letting them play in the trunk. My freshmen year of college. Racing. That brought Scotti and I together- our first discussion was about how I had a nice car, and the first night we met we raced home. I won. Scotti says I cheated, but I don't recall setting rules to cheat on... :) Getting a racing ticket and going to traffic school with Scotti- our "first date". Haha. That's a whole other story. Going to the temple. Pondering. Driving in general. Making it home in record time. And more recently, taking it slow. I've put Hank through more than his fair share, but I think he still knows I care. When I first got him I used to wash him every week- those were good times too. It became a good way to release stress. And now our times are through, but I will ALWAYS remember my Hank. He was my "first" and will always have a place in my heart. Love you Hank!

Henry "Hank" Lang
Feb. 24, 2001- Jan. 5, 2010

A Sunny Day goes a LONG, long way

Today my parents and I were talking about, well way more than I'm going to include in this small post. We started talking about my ideal career, and then as a side comment, my Mom was like, "Out of all the kids, you are the one we worry the LEAST about trying to convince to move back to California." Reason being, although I am adaptable and can live anywhere I'm needed, California is my ideal home. There's no convincing needed as long as it's feasible. My Dad started teasing me about how I LOVE the Provo, Utah weather. And then we started discussing how usually January and February are VERY cloudy with very little sun. I've noticed that in my years in Utah. There was one year, in particular that I remember being bad. I felt like I hadn't seen the sun in months- though weeks was probably more accurate. I mean, I could see it's light getting through hazy clouds, but it was always more of a blur- not that same is a bright summer's day and puffy white clouds temporarily covering the sun. Anyways, this one year was AWFUL! My birthday is towards the end of February and I remember praying for a sunny birthday- it was the ONLY thing I really wanted that year. I woke up- normal haze. Went to class. I remember walking out of the Benson building and being able to go home- and it was sunny. There were still clouds, but I could actually SEE the sun, not just it's light. I'm sure it must've also been that time of month, but I cried, not teared up- I full out, cried, my whole way home. I remember passing people on the stairs south of campus and seeing them look at me funny, trying to figure out if I was alright- but I was. I was SO happy, just to see the sun. That was one of the greatest birthdays ever. I have other favorites, but that memory and the warmth of the sun, literally and figuratively, will ALWAYS remain with me. I believe it to have been my present that year from a Heavenly Father who loves me. He hasn't given me sunny days every year, not even if I ask for them every year, but that year, when it meant so much to me- it came. And I don't think it's a mere coincidence. Today was sunny and in the 70s- my type of winter day! :)

A Ring

So tonight's story happened a long time ago. Today however my sisters and I were in the kitchen and my Mom had just recently changed purses. She had found a ring in her purse and didn't know whose it was. I looked at it and immediately recognized it. I'm about to tell you the story of this ring- as I remember it (with possibly a few embellishments). Like I said, it happened a LONG time ago. The story starts more than 20 years ago. In preschool for me. There was a boy who lived up the street from me- his name was Todd. He was in love with me and two of my cousins- Brittany and Amanda. We often played kissing tag- or our own rendition of it. Todd was ALWAYS it and he would pick ONE culprit each time and the other two were allowed to guard. It seemed like he chased after Brittany a lot but he did rotate and maybe my memory's a little hazy. Anyways, we had lots of fun- and Todd lived just up the street. I have many fond (and faint, now) memories of those days.

I remember the day I found out he was moving to Georgia- FAR FAR AWAY! And it was right before Kindergarten and I was utterly depressed. I would now have NO friends. My Mom tried to comfort me, she knew a mom with a daughter my age who would also be going to school with me, but it didn't work. Todd was leaving me and I was doomed. I don't remember most other details but I DO remember the last day he was there. We went to say our goodbyes- they had everything packed up and I remember going back inside- the completely empty house, with Todd. I don't remember verbatim, but our conversation went something like this.

Me: "Do you really have to move?"
Todd: "Yes my Dad got a job there. But I want to give you something."
M: "What?"
T: "My Mom says when a guy likes a girl he gives her a ring to show he likes her. My Mom helped me find this ring and it's for you."

I don't know if they bought it, for awhile I thought he had found it in a cracker jack box- but it's really much too nice of a ring for that... so, not sure. I'm ALSO pretty sure that he wasn't really proposing or anything like that- but I still claim it as my puppy love story, and I still have the ring. Pictures to follow. :) Todd and I are still friends- we are even friends on lovely facebook now, and he is HAPPILY married to a gorgeous girl! I haven't seen him in a few years but we have seen each other since. So that's my story for tonight, and when I get a picture of the ring on my computer I will add it to this post. :) Goodnight y'all!

New Year's Resolution

So with the New Year coming I've only given a little thought to goals I want to accomplish. I have some that are already underway and not necessarily 2010 goals but I always like to make goals for each year. I'm unsure as to how many I'll have and how many I'll make public but I will share one of the ones that I am committed to. I was reading a good friend's blog and they mentioned reading the Old Testament as a goal. This year in Sunday School we will be studying the Old Testament and I feel that is a worthy goal to accomplish. I'll confess, the Old Testament is one of my favorite books of scripture. I feel almost sacrilegious saying that. I mean I love the Book of Mormon and it's very simple and easy to understand for the most part and we believe it to be true and more correct than any other book (partly due to the fact that there hasn't been much loss due to excessive translations). I also love reading about Church History and therefore like the Doctrine and Covenants and the commandments directed towards us. And then there's the Pearl of Great Price which has so much contained in such a marvelously small book. And I feel like I can't discredit the New Testament- it's about the Savior's ministry and the work of the Apostles after him and I love the book of Revelations and trying to study out signs of the Second Coming. But even with all of that I still have a special place for the Old Testament.

I've only read it through twice before and the first time was mainly to say I did it. But the second time reading it I found SO MUCH interesting stuff in it. I remember sharing with my companions things that I was reading from it every day and I had one companion tell me (after I had related what I had read from it that morning)- "You ALMOST make me want to read the Old Testament". There's a lot of good stories, a lot of symbolism, a lot of wisdom, a lot of messed up stories, and a lot of ways we can relate. I kinda relate it to the classics. I like Twilight and Harry Potter and the exciting page-turners of our day- but there's something about the classics that holds true throughout all time. (Random note though: I'm not always fond of the classic books or movies- it depends on which one and why it became a classic. I've read some amazing ones and some that I thought were awful) I love reading about the tribes of Israel though, their trials, the miracles, forgiveness and long-proven patterns that the Lord follows.

I don't know what I will focus on when I go through the Old Testament this time through- I haven't yet decided, but I want to make a dilligent study of the Old Testament this year. A wise man I once met (who joined my church) had been studying the Bible. Due to various causes there are a few discrepancies in the Bible, whether it's due to translation or another cause is up to you to decide, but he pointed out that in the New Testament it teaches the law of witnesses- in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established. As missionaries of my church we teach that principle often to introduce the Book of Mormon as a second witness to the Bible, not to replace the Bible but to affirm it. But this wise man had a theory that every important principle that needed to be known is witnessed of at least twice in the Bible- I think I'm going to look for witnesses of principles I believe to be true as I read through the Old Testament this time through. I want to prove him right if possible, but it seems to make sense to me. That if there's a discrepancy there's only one account of the false information and (if it's an important principle) there are two to disprove it (surviving any translations or any other attempts to destroy the validity of the Bible).

I guess in closing I will share a little more about my last experience reading through the Old Testament. I read through it for various reasons- one of which was to understand it better and know it better. But I also started reading through the whole Bible searching for every woman mentioned. There were a lot more mentioned than I originally thought- some righteous examples and some wicked examples. I'm not trying to be feminist but I realized something about the influence women hold. If the woman was righteous, so were the people that she influenced. If she was wicked then so were those she influenced. That to me, means a lot. I sometimes feel special and privileged to know that I make a difference to those around me. I'm not saying guys can't be righteous in the midst of wicked women- I've seen many stand strong amidst circumstances like those, but I also have seen the influence work. The world with a lot of the media would portray that we only have a physical influence to tempt and seduce, but I know that is not our only influence. To show an example, read the story of Esther carefully. In my personal, blunt opinion, Esther was up against a whole bunch of sluts. Other women and girls that according to the world today would win the heart of the king. But Esther went in, just her- and she won the heart of the King and was able to use that influence to save her people. I've seen this more subtle influence work in today's world as well. Our job as righteous women is to be virtuous (different from being chaste, though I feel it's related) and to use our influence for good.

Proverbs 31:10, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

Christmas Envelopes

Side note first: So my Dad tonight told me I'm not allowed to teach the rest of my sisters Tahitian dancing. I asked why and he said because they're not Polynesian. And my response was, "But I'm Polynesian!" To which my Dad said, "I know..." So with that I will proceed to an account of this year's Christmas tradition. We have started caroling as a family around Christmastime. This time we only did two houses- a lady by the name of Debi whose husband just died before this school year started. We were all close to him and her and she's practically family. We also went and stopped by my Aunt Geri's house or Great-Aunt technically. Then following that we proceeded to do our Christmas envelopes. This was my family's third year doing them and my second. (I was on my mission the first year they started it.) A brief reminder to new readers or those who may have forgotten. We make a Christmas letter and combine it with some money and put it in an envelope. We then go to a Walmart or similar store and stalk people to find people who seem like they would appreciate it and hand it to them and run. We post others to watch and get their reaction, but the givers don't see the reaction. :)

Choice #1: My sisters Carly and Katie picked out a couple that they had been following. To make it seem less creepy they had been picking out clothes and playing peek-a-boo with a small girl they made friends with. Well the couple they'd been following bolted and then Carly noticed that the family to which their new-found peek-a-boo friend belonged to had very little in their cart and was consistently shopping only the sale racks. So she went to give them the envelope, saying "Feliz Navidad." And ran away. My Mom and sister Cassie watched as she opened the envelope and exclaimed, "Holy Crap!" And then looked up and saw my Mom and a few other people around. They then became very humble and quiet about it, but my Mom could tell they were very grateful for the gift.

Choice #2: This one was my own and my sister Julie's. We had been following her all around the store but kept losing her. So we had found several other families that were possibilities as well and then she would pop back up. She went down many aisles and had to put many things back. It was a Mom with 2 little girls- one that could walk, and one that maybe could walk, but was in the cart. Anyways, we finally caught up to her at the front of the store when she was in line to check out and my Dad came to witness it. He picked up something and joined the line. So then Julie and I walked up and told her Merry Christmas while handing her the envelope. We then walked down an aisle and proceeded to the back of the store where we ran into Carly and Katie who had just finished giving their letter. We sent them to the front of the store where they watched with my Dad. According to my Dad, after handing her the envelope she kinda looked after us, kinda like what in the world just happened? But didn't open the envelope. Her older daughter picked up the envelope and during the whole line kept asking her mom- "What's this? Can I open it?" The Mom politely ignored her for the most part. She DIDN'T open the envelope. She probably held onto it for a good 15 minutes. They went to the McDonalds at the front of the store and still didn't open it. My sisters got some money from my Dad and went to stand in line a ways behind them. After ordering she FINALLY opened the envelope. She looked inside and got all teary eyed and then called over a man- my sisters think it was her husband though we never saw her with anyone the whole time she was in the store. And then proceeded to call over other people. She even waved at my sisters, yelling "Chicas!" And trying to show them the envelope. She didn't wave around the money, but acted like she had just won the lottery.

Choice #3: This one was my Mom's and my sister Cassie's. They did theirs first actually. I heard the story after the fact. They had been following a Dad with two boys. The wife had I guess gone to do other shopping in another part of the store, but they met up near the cash register. My Mom and sister felt good about giving them an envelope and gave it to them when they were up near the McDonalds. When they opened it up the husband and wife looked at it and one of them said, "Shut up!" And then they supposedly went outside. I had mentioned that our lady repeatedly disappeared and then we would refind her. Well she once disappeared in the toy aisles and while I was searching down the aisles for her I happened to notice a couple hugging each other and the lady was crying, I thought it was odd so I'll admit, I was kinda staring at them, when I noticed the envelope my Mom and sister had had. I knew what had happened but then I realized the wife was looking at me as if she recognized me. So we quickly ran away. They apparently had come back in to let their boys pick out a few more toys for Christmas.

I know it isn't anything great. There are lots of people who need money, and food, and clothes, but we're starting in our own areas. We like seeing the reactions. It may not be the greatest or the only way to give this time of year, but it is quickly becoming one of our family's favorite traditions! I've been thinking a lot about this recently. I once read an Anita Stansfield book where the couple sets up a home to help kids. It's not exactly an orphanage- but it gave me my first ideas. I want to help as many kids as I can. I don't want to take on too many that I can't make them all feel loved and cared for- I need to be able to handle the load I take- but I want to make a difference. There's a Mom I work for and I absolutely LOVE it! She had 6 of her own kids and has now adopted 9 others. She didn't need help until she added the last one- but she felt she had to. She started adopting because she felt like every child deserved to grow up in a home with the Gospel. I feel the same way and feel very privileged to be able to help with those kids. It's a start to what I want to do one day. I don't need to be rich, though it would be nice, but I want to make a difference, and I want to be a difference in children's lives. There are too many needs out there to give to every single cause when you have limited resources, but I'm doing my best to start now, and not let my dreams of helping as I'd like to die out.

Carols and such

So a few things to cover that I think all goes together, but maybe not for you. First off, we went to "The Forgotten Carols" last night and I've seen it before and LOVE the songs- or at least some of them. In it Michael McLean, or John, reminds "Connie Lou" that everyone has their very own "Carol". I LOVE LOVE LOVE to sing, but have never been successful at writing any songs. I claim my poetry sucks but the truth is, it only sometimes does, but it never seems to be good, like song quality. But I was inspired from last night's show to give it a try one more time. (A few side notes: I'm going to try and use some connections I have already to try and work on a singing career... send in some demos I already have- make a few more... who knows? Maybe something will come of it. I'm going to take some acting classes, if they're available- though I'll likely have to drive to Salt Lake for them and record some more! :) I love recording!) So I got home and started brainstorming for my carol... Result- well I got the brainstorming done to make a poem- but not a carol.

One of my strongest experiences where I felt closest to the Savior was during a heart-break. I had actually been warned of a heartache, but thought I knew what kind and thought I could prepare for it. But I don't think anything could have possibly prepared me for the heartache I endured. It happened after a relationship- one of the more common causes for heartbreak. I felt like I couldn't turn to my parents for sympathy because I knew they were happy it was over. There were a lot of things I hadn't shared with others and so there really was only ONE person I could turn to. I never had a favorite hymn before that time and now it is "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" I LOVE the melody- slightly sad, but not depressing- still uplifting. I can add my own vocal stylings to it when I sing. And I love the words:

Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace
when other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end.

And now the poem I came up with, with this song as my inspiration. I have not proofread it, so any friendly comments or critiques to improve it would be appreciated. My goal is to keep writing poetry that eventually I can turn into songs (and to also get better at composing on the piano as well...).

Only He

Through stormy trials
And serious heartache
He it is who knows my soul
He alone can heal

In the darkest hour
My heart has ever known
One alone, knew the answer
The peace my heart could not fathom

Through tears of grief
And zombie-like phases
Going through motions
Because my heart was not whole

“It takes time to fix a broken heart”
They said, but time seemed to elude me
Time was not the answer
It was He who fixed me up

In His eyes, I’m perfect
I’m worth more than gold
It is not my fault, this heartache came
So He has made me whole

Now the future lies, unsure
But with Him by my side
I know it will be beyond compare
To my previous love affairs

With His blood so freely spilt
He paid the price of my broken heart
He has fixed it once, and He will again
And keep me safe in His arms

For in His arms I need not fear
Of ever being left alone
I need no man to dry my tears
For my Savior will always be there

I need no man… but still I long to find
A man who has learned like I
To call the Savior friend
And lean on Him through all time

Katie

This post is dedicated to my sister. I feel we have a special bond- most of the time anyways. This consists of several smaller stories so it might be on the longer side.

She was born when I was 11. My mom let me see her birth. I'll admit, it was interesting- long morning in the hospital- finally giving in to going to the cafeteria for some breakfast. Came back and found my Dad at the door saying, "You're just in time for the epidural!" With a smile on his face. I replied, "What's an epidural?" He just smiled back, and had it not been so early, MAYBE I would have caught on to his subtle sarcasm in his voice, "OH, you're going to LOVE this..." So I, who hates shots, watched the epidural. The whole birth process I thought was interesting, but the shot.... I told my Mom I was adopting after watching the epidural. They've tried to convince me that the epidural is what saves you from pain, but it's the whole idea that you NEED something that big and drastic to save you from pain- that thought is not very appealing to me. But thus started my connection with my sister Katie.

My Mom has been a great Mom to all of us. A great example of charity, and giving and putting others first and sacrifice, among other things. My Aunt Lisa was diagnosed with leukemia and my Mom dedicated a lot of her time to helping find platelet donors for her. She spent hours a day on the phone trying to find people and arrange appointments and schedule things. A lot of the family chipped in to help, one of my new responsibilities, which I enjoyed, was watching my sister Katie who was 1 1/2. I became her "mom". I would play with her, watch her, watch movies with her, put her to sleep. My Mom always had lullabies for us kids, and since I sang to her, I got to choose hers. Katie's lullaby is "Tender Shepherd"- a song I learned at Girls' Camp. I remember one time my brother realized how burned out I was, and tried to help. It was Katie's nap time, and so I told Danny that I put Katie to sleep by taking her on a walk around the neighborhood and singing to her. I know this may sound rather mundane, but I spent the time to go to the bathroom and do basic things. My brother came back- possibly an hour later, VERY distraught. He came in and was like, "I've walked around the neighborhood THREE times, and she still won't go to sleep, she keeps on looking back and I swear she won't go to sleep because I'M pushing her..." I was grateful to my brother for the chance I'd had to take a break, so I went outside to take Katie on a walk. I started walking, and we hadn't gone more than 3 houses before she was fast asleep- sure enough though- she checked to make sure I was pushing her before she fell asleep. :)

Katie's and my movie was Anastasia- it was Katie's favorite. And I'll admit, I love it too. Katie would watch it several times a day if it was up to only her. We still watch it from time to time, though it's been awhile since our last time.

I would always take her out when she was crabby in Sacrament, or if she needed a drink of water. I remember one time, one of Katie's friends in Nursery once asked her mom, "Where's Katie's mom?" And so the lady pointed to our mom, and the little girl looked at her mom and said, "That's not Katie's mom..." Then when I walked in, she pointed to me and said, matter-of-factly, "THAT'S Katie's mom..." Katie and I were inseparable.

When I turned 16, we had another sister by then and I had a new car. It was the newest commodity, and the back seat could fold down and go straight to the trunk. Katie and Julie both thought that was the greatest thing! So, we had many adventures in my car when they were both little. There was one time we went for a drive- just around the neighborhood. Katie got thirsty, and Julie refused to let us go home to get Katie a drink. So I remember going through the McDonalds drive thru- JUST for a water. I had no money and we didn't order anything else. I mean, technically I don't feel too bad- we buy enough from them and that's the only time we've gone through without buying something, but it still felt odd, but it DID appease them both. I learned how to do a trick called, "rock the cradle" in the car. You basically move the steering wheel back and forth really quick and it will "rock" the car. That was one of their favorites, but I told them specifically NOT to tell Mom or we wouldn't be able to do it anymore. Well, they did really well for awhile and then one day, forgot and cried, "MOM! Do rock the cradle!!!" My Mom asks, "What's rock the cradle?" And so they responded, "Jamie does it ALL the time...." So my Mom looked at me in the rear view mirror with a threatening look and I had to tell her. She was mad, briefly, but now she does rock the cradle too.

One of my favorite car stories, is more about my power of brainwashing Katie. She believed everything I told her. We were on another car ride and the light turned yellow, so I sped up so I could make it and she scolds me, "Jamie, YELLOW means, SLOW DOWN." And I responded, "No, it means, slow down so Jamie can get through." I didn't think she believed me until one day we were in my Mom's car and the light turned yellow- my Mom sped up and Katie goes, "Mom, YELLOW means SLOW DOWN." And my Mom said, "It's ok, you just have to be careful." And Katie goes, "No, it means you have to slow down Mom, so Jamie can get through." My Mom almost laughed and reassured my sister, "It's alright, Jamie's with us, and she had to get through..." I don't know how we corrected that one in the end, but she now knows right...

I will admit, I spoiled Katie ROTTEN. My Mom had a lot to do with raising her, but I had more of a part in her life than my other sisters, I feel, so I feel a special connection with her. And that one summer when my Aunt was sick I did raise her. My Mom had to do a lot of fixing afterwards so she wasn't too rotten. She has turned out alright so far though. She has self-esteem like no other- convinced every guy loves her- and she is really pretty. I love her, (and my other sisters) but this blog post is dedicated to my sister Katie- I LOVE YOU!!!

Methane Blue

Back to my more lighthearted stories... :)

This story happened a few years ago and was inspired by a story before that. My Mom, growing up, told me a story of how she played a prank on some boys- don't know how she knew them, all I know is she pranked them. It was for April Fools- so they had to be careful. They made brownies and put methane blue in them and then covered them with chocolate frosting. Since the boys were suspicious, as planned, the girls had made a separate batch of brownies and strategically placed a few of those on top. So they each took one of the safe ones which then enticed the guys that the brownies were alright. Hence the inspiration for my own experience.

It was freshmen year of college. My sister had come up to visit for the end of March and we had been teasing our friend Brandon that he didn't like us. You see, he claimed we were his friends, but he had never baked anything for us, always other girls, that he claimed he wasn't interested in. So then he said he would do it for someone's birthday- but we had told him when our birthdays were, and they had already passed. So when my sister came up, we told him her birthday was March 30th. And she left the morning of the 30th. We gave him such a hard time about him owing us a cake and how he would have to make it Monday so she could enjoy some before heading to the airport around 8 or 9 am (I don't remember the exact time.) Anyways, he did not have a car freshmen year and the store within Helaman Halls didn't open early enough- so he walked to a 24 hour store at like 4 am, and bought a cake mix. He then proceeded to bake it and it was ready minutes before I had to take my sister to the airport. He called me and I went to retrieve it. I handed it to my sister and told her to meet me at the car- and he apologized for not having frosting- by the time he realized he didn't have any there wasn't any time left. I then told him it wasn't her birthday til July. Luckily he didn't get too mad. :) But anyways, we all shared the cake- which was VERY good, and then we had his pan. We had promised we would bake something in return when we returned his pan and it was working out perfectly that it wouldn't be too suspicious if it just HAPPENED to be on April Fools' Day.

We decided to use methane blue (btw, for those who may not know- it turns your waste a really weird blue color and sometimes freaks people out). It is mainly used in fish tanks, and so we called every Walmart and general store in the area as well as every pet store. Finally we called a pet store in American Fork who said they had 2 bottles left- we told him to save us one and left immediately. So we journeyed out to American Fork and when we walked in we announced we were the ones who had called for the methane blue. Instead of small idle chatter this guy got straight to the point, "Who are the brownies for?" We had not mentioned brownies or anything. :) Oh well! So we went back and proceeded to make the brownies. We put in 100 drops and wondered if we put too much in, if it would poison them. I tried calling my mom- but she didn't answer the phone, so we stopped at 100 drops. We delivered the brownies, but all of us girls who had made it were curious as to how it worked, so we all took brownies gladly. Unfortunately, as we later found out, after talking to my mom and through sad experience, 100 drops is not enough. Too much doesn't poison you- or at least a whole bottle doesn't. But it's too late to try that one on them again- maybe some other time I'll find a new culprit and be able to use it! :)

Twilight- First Love, Heartache and Happiness

I have delayed writing this experience til now because it is not as entertaining as I usually like my stories to be. However my posts have not all been stories as of late and I have finally consented (to myself) to document it. There seems to be a new novel writing technique- that of making characters that we can relate to and having them find similarities in their lives to the classics. This is what I'm about to do, but my story doesn't relate to a single story but to many. And it doesn't exactly relate to any classic either but to a book that uses this technique. So I'm in essence relating my life to a story that in turn relates to yet another story.

I'm not starting at the very beginning because it is not all important. I will start a few years ago when I fell in love with a boy. When I read Twilight for the first time I related him to Edward. The thing is I was very attracted to him and he to me. He from the get go warned that he was not good for me but I chose to see differently. I saw the bad boy edge but I also saw his potential. I could see that certain things in his life made him a "monster" as Edward viewed himself but his actions to me showed how he was overcoming that and did everything he could not to fit the stereotype. I was not afraid of him although I probably should've like Bella also should've feared the vampire within. But both Bella and I saw the efforts of restraint and chose to admire that trait. I'm still not sure if I was wrong to do this though I know there were plenty of other mistakes made (I still don't regret them, for I learned from them).

I remember having a discussion with him once about who loved the other person more. His answer was much like Edward's. He told me he had seen more of love and had experienced it more and lived longer... the likes while I was inexperienced and naive. I'll admit that both Bella and I were inexperienced but that doesn't always mean we don't understand something or are even wrong. As is the case for Bella it worked out- they were akin to soulmates. Anyways, skipping ahead- the point of this is not really the love story and the similarities that way.

In the second book Edward leaves and Bella becomes a zombie. This isn't exactly my story, but I broke it off- it wasn't right, but when I broke it off I really didn't think I was doing anything permanent, I kinda thought of it as wrong timing. I closed off afterwards. I got really depressed, he had moved on, and I started realizing it really was over and not just a matter of timing. My Mom one day came into my room asking me if I was alright. I replied, "Yes, why?" (In my mind, the sun was out, I had slept in and just woken up- today was a good day, nothing new had really happened.) And then she responded, "You just have been kinda distant recently." I can't remember if I had already read the second book or if it was later that week, but when I read through Edward's missing months and how she virtually became a walking zombie, I realized it was a pretty accurate description of what I had let myself become. On the outside I did everything I was supposed to, I talked to people, when they talked to me. I even would get excited on occasion when talking with close friends- but someone else always had to initiate it. I became the shy girl that I had, until recently, overcome. In Bella's case she had Jacob, who becomes a love interest, but for me, well I was too attached to my ex at the time. People react differently after a break up, but for me I closed off completely. I was pretty confident of myself- even still. I knew that if I opened up and showed someone my true self I could get any guy I wanted- the problem was, I felt like I would only be on the rebound. I felt like I'd just be using some poor guy and then have to break their heart once I had sufficiently used them- so I just avoided all guys. There were guys I met that I thought were cute- I just wouldn't talk to them, I wouldn't let them see the real me. The only guys I talked to were the ones related to me, my previous guy friends and on a need-only basis and I limited my contact even then. I didn't want to use some poor Jacob character and then have to break his heart.

There was a brief time when I let someone in- I thought I was over my ex, and I can say I gave him an honest chance. When I briefly dated this guy, I didn't compare him to my ex, I gave him a fair chance, but when I felt it wasn't right anymore I broke that one off. The things we do to protect our hearts once they've been seriously broken. For a long time I felt like damaged goods- that I'd never have my whole heart to give again.

Don't get me wrong- in the books I wanted Edward and Bella together- and there was a time when I thought it would work out much the same for me. But those feelings didn't last long- I knew my story would be different- but that still didn't take away the pain.

I don't know if the next part fully relates to the book, but I will continue to relate where applicable. In my story, I didn't have a Jacob character- well not really. I was my own Jacob. I pulled myself out of my zombie-ness. In my "Edward" relationship I had tried to heal him, so to speak- I had tried to change him and it didn't work. So I didn't want to be in a relationship where someone else had to heal me- I wanted to heal myself- which is mainly how it works- you and the Savior. Anyways, yet another reason why I pulled away from guys. I learned to be happy on my own. I am now JUST as happy as Bella was when Edward came back- not as in love as she was, obviously, but I am cured. It took me way longer than I would like to admit, but I am whole once again. Now, however I feel out of practice with being myself around guys, especially. I love my church calling, I focus on the girls around me, but it has drawn me out of my shell almost to the point where I was before entering zombie-land. My story ends differently. My Edward will change. The first one, was the one I had, and the final one is one of my choosing, sometime in the future. I will still end up just as happy and in love as Bella when I finally find my future Edward (I use that term loosely- I don't expect to find some perfect person- I just mean to find someone that I love as much as Bella loves Edward). Throughout this whole experience I have learned more than I could ever contain in one post but mostly I have learned that everyone has faults, but sometimes one is not accustomed to having patience with certain faults. My previous relationship was far from perfect- his flaw was not like Edward's was, as far as I was not patient enough to really be there for him, and I don't really regret that, there are simply certain things that I have learned that I cannot, personally, put up with. People have different personalities. Maybe one person is too messy- maybe they shouldn't be with a neat freak- but there is still someone out there for that person. I know what I can and can't handle. I still believe as I once believed (part of the reason I ended up with him) that he could change, but I'm not longer looking for someone I have to change. I don't care where they've been- I feel that people need different things in life- sometimes the farther they've come and the more they've overcome makes them stronger. Some are just lucky enough not to fall- whatever the case may be, I don't care how he got it but he needs a testimony of the Atonement and what it can do for people. I don't care if he is IN the process of changing when I meet him, but I want to know for sure that he is changing for HIMSELF and not because he feels that I expect it and he needs to in order to be with me- that's not a lasting change. In my case, I had forgiven him for everything he had done- it was just a matter that he stopped changing, and I should've realized it then- that it was NOT a lasting change. He had been changing for me, not for himself, and that is the difference. I don't think it matters that you're dating someone while you are changing. You will never be perfect, you will always be changing in some way or another, what matters is that you change for yourself and not someone else and that you know that the person you are with truly wants the same things and goals that you do. One can inspire another and sometimes it helps to be with someone who has faith in you to help you through, but the desire to change has to be all your own. I know that break-ups can be hard, and I know that they can sometime seem to last forever, but I know that they end- all of them. It's just a matter of time (as cliche as that is...)

A Little of This, and a Little of That...

So just talking about my life right now. Ever since I graduated high school I have had family members ask me when I'm getting married- uncles, aunts, cousins (my parents didn't join in til MUCH later)... I once told my cousin that I was getting married in Spring and he got SO excited! And he was like, really? Who's the guy? I then told him, there wasn't one- I didn't tell him a year... but ideally I think I'd choose to marry in the spring, if I can. Who knows? Anyways, I've never been in a rush to get married, still not- I mean I want to get married, I do. I want to be in love, I want to find the one that I love enough to marry. I want to have kids, and other things as well. There was a time when I thought I would marry a guy- but I'm glad it didn't work. My family did not approve and I learned a lot from that experience. From that experience I know that I am who I am and I don't need a guy, though sometimes it might be nice. I can wait for the right one, one who loves me for me and I love him too. How this relates to my life currently? Well I guess you could say I'm still single, so the family pressure is still there.. On my Dad's side of the family- which I am closer to, after having grown up around them- I am the only single girl for a few years. The other two are married with at least one child. I'm in that group. Then comes the boys and all except one who just recently came home, are out on missions, the next grouping is 5 years younger than me and just reaching marriage age. Who knows? Maybe my sister will get married before me?

I was talking with my mom the other day- I think it was over the break. They've been trying to convince me to change my major so I can finish with school and they're not sure that this is what I REALLY love... Which is semi true... I love it, but there are other things that I equally love, including music. My mom thinks I should look into becoming part of the music entertainment industry. (Then I could also have a high chance of living in Southern California.) One thing that I think is funny is my parents used to tell me they couldn't see me being a teacher (back when I wanted to do that...). But after coming home from my mission they've suggested looking into that. My Dad says I should be a preschool teacher- cause I'm "on their level"... :) They want me to be happy, and I love them for that, and I understand. My mom at one point started crying because she said that she wants me to be a mom because I'd be good at it- I love kids. But she started crying because, although she knows the reason why, she said I'm happy being single and she just hopes I'm not TOO happy being single that I won't try to find love.

As far as kids go- I MISS having little kids around. Backtracking- I went on a dental trip with my Uncle to Paraguay. I LOVED it! I got to spend time with the kids and had a few "leaches". So did my cousins- we all seem to be good with kids- maybe because we were the oldest? I don't fully understand how, but I remember having a conversation with a nicer old man from the town there. Why I don't understand how? Because Spanish is my second language, and when I say second language, I mean, I can say Hola, Que tal? And Como se dice.... and point to something... And THEIR second language was Spanish. When I say THEIR second language is Spanish I mean that 2 adults spoke Spanish and the kids were being taught it in school. So I don't think this man was even speaking Spanish. But when I was talking to him I happened to be carrying one of my "leaches" around. I knew he was asking me if I was taking him back with me to the States. I knew he was joking, so my response was, yes I am. But as I was talking to him I realized something- these kids had great families- families that loved them, and although they were destitute of some necessities and virtually all wants as defined by our culture in the US, they were HAPPY, and I realized that if I took any of them back with me to the states that they would likely be more tainted by all the technology, rather than helped. So, even though I wouldn't have taken any of the kids with me I still refer to them as MY kids, and I miss them! I was ecstatic when I found that one of them passed the sacrament for the first time! (The town we visited was all Mormon, and my Uncle went back when I was on my mission, so I heard the news in a letter) I was around kids on my mission- and I had my favorites there. I have some favorite little cousins whom I miss! The youngest ones are Marina and Marisa- and they are SO CUTE!!! They both love me when I come back to visit. They are two of my favorites along with this little girl Georgie (who is of no relation- but I absolutely LOVE her!) Anyways, back to now and how it relates. I was talking about my mom and how she wants me to be married and is "worried" for me. She is also worried because I have solved my desire to be around kids for now. :)

I had been thinking about getting a job for awhile now. I happened to be walking from class to my car one day and felt the sudden need to take a different route. Well on that route I saw a sign that led me to a website for possible jobs. I filled out a profile as soon as I got home and within 2 hours I had a phone call and an interview the following day. At the interview I got the job on a week trial basis. The deal was, if it wasn't what I was looking for we would discuss it at the end of the week. But I LOVE it! I am a nanny? or babysitter? Or Mother's helper? This Mom has 6 kids of her own. When 3 had left the house to start college she started adopting. She now has 9 adopted kids- all black (not that it matters, but just so you can get a SLIGHTLY better picture of them, without me actually having a picture of them). 8 of the adopted kids are ADHD and the last one is autistic. She had been adopting in pairs and was able to do it on her own. But the last 3, which I help the most with- well the 3rd one wasn't planned. The last one, Kaden is related to Keyana- one of the last 3 and was also being put up for adoption, so her "agent" had called and asked her if she'd consider taking one more. So she did. But the last 3 are all in their terrible twos at the same time, all being potty trained, all VERY active, and so on... I get there in the mornings and have some interaction with 4 of the other kids. I love them too, even though I don't see them very much. The youngest 3 are Kaden, Karissa and Keyana. Karissa- she is sometimes the worst. She will push Kaden- once making him bleed, and can be quite nasty, but she is also the sweetest when it comes to saying sorry and generally wants to help the most. I sing a clean up song- and she's the only one that chips in. She is also the protector. Keyana LOVES putting things in her mouth. We were outside playing and she put dirt in her mouth, so I counted to three telling her to spit it out and when she didn't I went to run over and Karissa comes up to me and "pets" my leg saying "Sorry, Sorry, Keyana's sorry! You don't have to take her inside" That was what I said I would do- I didn't intend on keeping her inside though. I picked up Karissa and told her to watch, I went over to Keyana and asked if the dirt tasted good. (Now switching over to Keyana) She said no, so I said do you want to rinse it out inside? Another yes. So I turned back to Karissa and said, "See she wants to go inside, and we'll be right back out as soon as she gets the dirt out of her mouth". Keyana is the only one who can get dressed by herself. She is also the best at saying NO. Both Keyana and Karissa are a pair and do almost everything together. They like helping to vacuum (though they're not great at sharing the vacuum yet) and the msot recent addition is I've taught them to help me with the dishes. Now rinsing them because the mix between them and water is a disaster. But I get out the containers for their sippy cups and for Kaden's bottles and they put the other plastic cups in the drawer where they go. The glass cups they carefully put on the counter for me to put up. They know where the plates and bowls go and just need a little help and after I check for sharp utensils, they help me put the silverware away too. Kaden- he is the autistic one and my favorite- when I can understand him. He says stuck a lot... and usually it's not a matter of being stuck and you have to figure it out. We have piano time just about every day. They're learning to play "nicely" instead of pounding on the piano. And they ask me to play for like mini songs- I don't think I finish too many songs unless they're REALLY tired. Before I put them down for nap, Kaden helps me get the girls in their rooms, I sing to them. But unfortunately, they seem to like it a little TOO much and don't usually fall asleep to it. One of their favorites is "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater" And "A Child's Prayer". Anyways, I'm usually exhausted by the time I get home but it's very fulfilling. It's a real work out trying to find something for them to do and just pick up after them. (It IS easier now that they help me with the dishes instead of me having to distract them so I could do it in spare time.) We also like dance parties- good Christmas songs and Disney songs. Our two favorites are "Hakuna Matata" and "I'm Gonna Be a Mighty King" (one of my favorites from growing up).

Anyways, life is good. Life is entertaining. I could probably talk for hours about all the kids I claim as "mine". And I am perfectly content to be single until it's right. I have no desire to rush into another relationship and possible heart break if it isn't. So with that, I'm done. For now. :)